Monday, June 23, 2008

Mr. Potato Head

To condense a super long story into a manageable blog post, I have left out many minute details of this story.

To start where I last left off, my friend T was in Puerto Rico with B, (who I have un-affectionately named Potato Head for his uncanny likeness to the children's toy), where she sent me a text message stating that this relationship will not work out. Can't say I didn't warn her. But I digress.

It seems that while in Puerto Rico, T found out that Potato Head is a pathological liar. He lied about pretty much everything; from stupid lies that he doesn't smoke, to more serious lies about his financial situation. She found out there that he filed for bankruptcy TWICE! He is only 32.

Since she has been back, she has continued to see him, even though she found out all about his dishonesty. She still feels that she is going to marry him. I've called her out on his behavior and she told me that I know too much about him and that she cannot keep up the facade to me, and would I not say anything to anyone about what she discovered on vacation. She can't take the heat. I told her that I will not support her during this time with him, but when she finally breaks it off, I will be there for her 100%. She needs some tough love.

So we haven't spoken for a few weeks. She called me on Friday saying that she hadn't gotten her period yet, and that she wanted me to go with her to buy a pregnancy test. It killed me, but I declined. I told her to call Potato Head and have him help her. She told me that she tried to call him, but he was avoiding her calls for some reason. Hmm, I wonder why? Is because he is a total lying liar who lies? Yes, that and a douchebag to boot.

Anyway, I still didn't go with her, even though I was freaking out for her. She called me a few hours later and told me that the tests were negative. The next day she sent me a text message saying that she got her period. Thank God!

Note to Potato Head: You are not that good looking to be pulling this mess, and at 32 years old you should also be ashamed of yourself.

P.S.: In the text message, T told me that she was waiting for him to come over to bring food, and "take care of her". Jigga what? The same dud (yes, it is a typo, but fits perfectly), that refused to take your calls when you were freaking out about maybe, possibly being PREGS is coming to take care of you??!?!?!?!? WTF???

And this people is why I scheduled a therapy appointment for MYSELF tonight.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Wednesday Weirdness

1. Have you ever rode in a stolen car? What would you do if, in the middle of going somewhere, found out that the driver had stolen the car you were riding in?

Um, not that I know of. But if I found out, I would probably stay. I'm so lazy, my ass ain't walking anywhere unnecessarily.

2. What is the most amount of money you've spent in a sex shop or porn store at one time? If you've never been to a porn store or sex shop, why?

In a store about $50. I usually buy off the internet. Again, because I'm lazy.

3. What is the most annoying thing about one of your closest friends?

She talks constantly about herself, leaving no room for anyone to get a word in edgewise. When I bring it to her attention she gets pissy and doesn't speak to me for a while. At least then my ears get some rest.

4. Have you ever taken someone's prescription medication with or without them knowing and used it for recreational purposes?

No, although when I had surgery in 2004, I took vicodin a little longer than I should have.

5. What is at least one thing you are you insecure about?

How long do you have? I would definitely say my weight, I have heavy upper arms and fat thighs. Me and my booty are starting to become friends thanks to Dirty.

6. What are some things that you prefer to do alone?

Shower, read, bathroom business, cooking, and taking care of my feminine business like mani/pedi/hair/wax.

7. How would you react if you found out the anonymous babe who writes all your favorite sexy posts on her blog is really your mother?

I know that she had sex 3 times. That is all I care to know. Brain bleach comes to mind.

Friday, June 13, 2008


Um, I think that Sloane went a little over board on the tomato/mozzarella salad last night, since my whole evening was filled with me having some intestinal distress. So another day off for me today, except this one will be spent on my throne. Awesome. NOT!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

How Did You Get Here?

I wanted to take a page from Stella and ask how everyone found me and started to read about my awesome life and other such nonsense that I post from time to time.

And since everyone needs a pat on the back now and again, here's yours (don't get to used to this):

I really appreciate everyone's feedback to this blog and the support that I feel whenever I post something is really important to me. Thank you for not judging me for the things that I post and sending me virtual kicks in the ass when I need them. You have helped me more than you know.

<3 (Yes, I did type a heart there. Yes, I did it on purpose.)

Friday, June 06, 2008

Message to Kristina

Don't give up like this. Private thoughts are just that. Private. Don't let your S-I-L get the upper hand in this. What you wrote were feelings that are valid and were how you felt at the moments that you wrote them.

Everyone goes through anger, pain and a million other emotions at one time in their lives and expressing those emotions through a diary is an appropriate way of helping you work through things so that you can look at a situation clearly and ultimately get the closure you need.

I hope that you can work through this and know that we are all around to support you whenever you are ready to accept it.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

I Want an Ice Tray, Not a Whole Bag

Another addition to the Dirty saga. I promise that this blog won't turn into the Dirty page, but I need to share this with you all.

Since my last post, I have distanced myself a bit from Dirty and our day-to day struggles. This has made him become more attentive and super aware. Honestly, that was not my intention, but a totally unexpected bonus!

On Sunday, I did a 3 mile walk for a family friend who has Spinal Muscular Atrophy to raise money for an elevator installed in her home. It was a really great day, and we raised almost 85 thousand dollars for her. Tyrone is paying off. I did the walk in 45 minutes, which is a great time for me.

Anyway, back to my Dirty story. I get home and I hear talking in my apartment. I walk in, and find Dirty in the kitchen cooking. I was surprised to see him there to say the least. He told me that he wanted to surprise me with dinner. I went to take a shower and noticed that the bed in my bedroom was made, and that the clothes that were strewn all over the room were gone. Shrugged and went about my bidness. Went into the bathroom and saw that it was immaculate. Down to BLUE toilet water that was definitely not there before. I asked Dirty about it and he told me he cleaned up a little. So I was shocked.

After my shower I to get my blog fix and read PostSecret. I turn on the monitor and what is staring me in the face? THIS:

Now, I start freaking out. Dirty was calling my name, and I minimized the picture and picked up a magazine really fast. He hustled me out of the room with some crap excuse, and stayed behind to shut down the computer. Fool, doesn't he know about the cookies I have saved on the computer? Anyway, of course after he left, I went directly back to the website and examined it more closely. Don't get me wrong, it is a gorgeous ring, but a bit much don't you think? Here is another picture:

Opinions? The logical part of me is to tell him not to spend so much on a ring, so that we can have money to spend on a house, other part is telling me to stop jumping to conclusions. By the way, there was a contact name and information on the sticky pad in front of the computer. Help!