Thursday, July 31, 2008

Adding Insult to Injury

For the past few weeks, it seems that some invisible force is out to get me. Paranoid, I know. However with all of the crap going on in my life, last night I was dealt another serious blow.

Dirty lost his job.

As I've mentioned, he is an architect, and was making pretty nice cash. The firm was a high profile firm working in the hospitality industry; you know, hotels, theme parks, etc. Anyway thanks to the crap economy, most of the projects he was working on were put on hold. So his firm had to let go almost the entire staff. From a 33 person office, only 5 are left. Since Dirty recently moved to this firm, obviously, they let him go. He got a pretty good severance package, but he's bummed.

So am I. Can I tell you the first thing that went through my mind? That I wasn't going to be getting a ring anytime soon. Yep. Nice and selfish.

I know that he is talented and will find another job soon, but right now I am trying very hard to be supportive. He is making it difficult for me though. I know he is stressed out, but he has this nasty attitude that is coming through with every suggestion that I make to him. He is freaking out that he has no money coming in, and how he is going to pay his rent. He has been out of work one day, and he is being so dramatic. We were on the phone late last night planning out some stuff and I made a comment like "oh, I'm tired. I need to go to sleep, so I won't be tired tomorrow", and he was like, "I have no idea what that's like". Dude, you haven't even been unemployed one day. Build a bridge and get over it.

Ok, you guys can comment on what a bitch I am. Bring it. :)

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Wednesday Weirdness and Stuff

I never realized that people in NYC could be so nosy, but I have been stopped 6 times within that last 2 days asking about the bandage on my neck. Before you get crazy, it is not a huge gauze wrapped wound. It is a small flesh colored band-aid that is placed in the center of my neck. I didn't realize that it would be so noticeable, especially since I have been wearing shirts that cover it, but I guess it is. Someone actually asked me if it was a nicotine patch! Random.

The procedure itself didn't hurt exactly, the anesthesia killed me though. I am always sleepy a day or two after taking anesthesia. The suckiest part? I am on a mushy food diet for the next few days. Gross. The other bad part? No alcohol. I know, kill me now. I went out for drinks and dinner last night, and I couldn't eat anything. Torture. I was drinking club soda with lime, to fake like I was drinking a gin and tonic so people at other tables didn't think I was such a dud. But they probably could tell anyway. :(

Anyway, here's my answers to Wednesday Weirdness

1. Would you rather be 3 inches taller, or 3 inches shorter than you already are?

Do I have to answer this? I think we all know it would be taller, and I would try to borrow inches from someone else as well. If I grew 3 inches, I would still only be 5'3", so I'll take at least 6. Wrapped in a bow. Thanks.

2. What are 3 words that could never be used to describe you?

This is a tough question. I can be described as everything in different areas of my life. Greedy- yes; sweet-yes; annoying-yes; pretty-yes; conceited-yes; considerate-yes. I could go for days, and you get the point.

3. Have you ever eaten something at the grocery store while you were shopping, prior to buying it? Did you pay for it when you got to the check out line?

No, I can usually hold off until I get into the car and then I break into something.

4. If you could have any 3 materialistic things in this world without paying a single cent for any of them, what would they be and why?

1. A really nice house with all the amenities that I could want; pool, hot tub, outdoor kitchen. Like the shit I see in Dirty's architecture magazines.

2. A cleaning lady that won't judge me and just shut her mouth and clean!

3. Hot transportation- private jet, boat, cars, etc. See how I got more out of my three. I'm so strategic like that!

5. Have you ever fallen asleep or nodded off during sex before?

Yes, sometimes I nod off during foreplay, not during the actual act. I did have a boyfriend that would fall asleep all the time during, especially if he was drunk. Yes, it was in college and yes, that is why he is an ex.

6. What are 3 jobs you’d leave your current job for? If you don't have a current job, just list 3 jobs you would like to have.

1. Restaurant critic- I've always wanted to do this. I would be totally dramatic about it too. Two ice cubes please. Oh No? I WILL BREAK YOU!!

2. Travel Critic or Hotel Tester- Trip Advisor? What?

3. Anywhere Sidekick is not. :)

7. Do you or have you ever answered the phone during sex?

No, but it is very distracting. I have answered the phone at other times when getting frisky. ;)

Monday, July 28, 2008

Can't Eat, Can't Sleep

I know I talk all the time on here about my IBS, and the fact that any and everything that I eat can force me onto the throne for days at a time, but I don't think I have ever mentioned the other health issue that I have.

A few years ago I was diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism. I was a pretty classic case, with the heart palpitations, and tremors. The one exception to this was that instead of losing tons of weight, I gained. Apparently, since my body was doing all of this overwork, I was eating to compensate. It happens to something like 1 in 1000. Of course I would be the exception. The thyroid lobe on the left side was enlarged to almost 10 centimeters, which is totally abnormal. A normal thyroid is about 2-3 centimeters in diameter.

After my doctor found the abnormal size and that the T-3 and T-4 hormones were overproducing from a blood test, I took 2 radioactive iodine treatments. Let me tell you, no picnic. You you have to sign for the pill that comes in a metal canister and are given it by someone wearing a haz-mat suit. You are sequestered for 3 days so that the radiation does not infect other people. By the way, it makes your urine is a bright orange color, just in case you wanted to know. Since that treatment about 4 years ago, everything has been fine.

Until now. Tomorrow, (actually today), I have to get a biopsy done on my left lobe thyroid. When I got my last check-up my T-3 and T-4 levels came back a bit askew, and when the doctor did a sonogram, she noticed a new growth on the left lobe. She thinks it may be cancerous. Normally, I don't freak out about these things, however when this doctor is concerned about something like this, I do. So, I haven't eaten or had a good nights sleep for the past 3 days. My bowels however have been on a rampage.

Looking at the big picture, I am not really worried, but a part of me in the back of my head is already making out my will and planning what I want my family to dress me in in my casket. Morbid enough for you?

Everything happens for a reason right? I can't help but think that this is the reason why the other company rescinded their offer.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Never Been Arrested for Nothing Domestic

Last night I went to the wake of a dear friend who died so suddenly, she didn't even get the chance to tell everyone she was sick.

What struck me was that the minute that I walked into the funeral home, there was music playing. I am not talking about the standard, soothing elevator music, but honest-to-goodness bumping jams. Now, my friend was famous for her mix tapes, that she would give out as gifts, and let me tell you, they always came at the right time. I can't think of the times that me or one of my girls was stressed out, there was a RV mixtape as the answer. We used to stay out all night dancing at different Latin clubs in the city (That was a long time ago, I'm much nerdier now), and when I started dating Dirty, she was so excited that she could share her love of salsa and merengue music with someone.

As it happens, people grow up and grow apart. She moved to Miami with her husband, and had a gorgeous baby. She recently came back to NYC, presumable when she got sick, and I saw her once when she just got back, but we had lost contact in the last few months, apparently, she did not want anyone to see her sick. When I bought my apartment, she sent me a CD that she wanted me to play at my housewarming party. I never wound up having the party, but I listen to those songs everyday on my IPod.

So in honor of my friend Rachel, here are some of the songs I think you should download and listen to this summer. This is the Hip-Hop list. Try them, have I steered you wrong yet? P.S.: If you are offended by cursing, what are you doing here? :)

Am I Dreaming- Kat DeLuna
Take A Bow- Rihanna
Sunshine- Jay-Z featuring Foxy Brown
Last Night- P. Diddy featuring Keyshia Cole- (Hi Penny)
911- Wyclef and Mary J. Blige
Renee- Lost Boyz
Two Wrongs- Wyclef and Claudette Ortiz
Heartbreaker- Mariah Carey featuring Jay-Z
Uh Oh- Lumidee with Busta Rhymes and Fabolous
Song Cry- Jay-Z with the Roots- MTV Unplugged
U Make Me Wanna- Jadakiss
Low Remix- Flo Rida featuring Pitbull and T-Pain
I Won't Tell- Fat Joe
With You- Chris Brown
Lately- KC and JoJo-MTV Unplugged
Welcome to New York City- Cam'ron featuring Jay-Z
Off The Books- Beatnuts
Get Money- Junior Mafia
Make Me Better- Fabolous featuring Ne-Yo
Dilemma- Nelly with Kelly Rowland

Ghostface Killah Corner

Back Like That- Ghostface Killah featuring Ne-Yo
You Know I'm No Good- Ghostface Killah and Amy Winehouse
All That I Got is You- Ghostface Killah
Cherchez la Ghost- Ghostface Killah

These are the songs I listen to before I go meet with Sidekick. They get me hyped.

Hate Me Now-Nas featuring Puff Daddy
Moment of Clarity- Jay-Z
Party Up- DMX
Damn, It Feels Good to Be A Gangsta- Geto Boyz
Bring the Pain- Method Man

Especially for Rachel:

Feels So Good- Mase featuring Puff Daddy
You're All I Need To Get By- Method Man and Mary J. Blige
One More Chance- Notorious B.I.G.
If I Ruled the World- Nas
I'm A Thug- Trick Daddy


Damn I love my East Coast rap don't I? Let me know what you think of the songs.


Thursday, July 24, 2008

Insert Clever Title Here

At some point this weekend I will be updating my blogroll on the sidebar. I will be adding everyone that I read. If you prefer NOT to be listed, let me know in the comments or by sending me an email at .

BTW, I would do this at work, but got assigned a crazy project that originally was my idea, that apparently the VP caught onto and now wants to implement. Color me surprised that Sidekick didn't take the credit.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Pineapple Mojitos Make This Girl Feel Better

First, I want to thank everyone for their support. Your comments and outrage on my behalf made me feel so much better than I did on Friday afternoon.

I had a long talk with the parents and with Dirty, and decided that this happened for a reason and I just need to be patient and secure in knowing that something will happen for me. Secondly, as much as I hate Sidekick, I don't think that she had anything to do with it. Don't think it didn't cross my mind, but I think she is just a mean, evil person and right now I pity her more than anything else. She is unhappy in her life and does not know how to overcome it. Besides, I found out some scandalous gossip about her that turned my frown upside down. (Thanks Penny). I'll share it one day.

For this weekend, I just wanted to stay home and chill out. I was drained, from the whole job thing and from a fight that I had with Dirty for the 14397645 time about getting engaged. I don't know how to leave well enough alone. In my defense, my younger cousin just got engaged, and I was PMSing. Enough said. I will say that Dirty really is a patient dude to put up with my crap.

He made me pineapple mojitos all day Saturday. Please do yourself a favor and make these, they are sooooo gooood. I posted the recipe below for all of you. Your Welcome.

I started drinking at about 11am. It was too hot to move, so I lounged in bed with the AC, while he brought me snacks and drinks. I played Burnout for 5 hours straight. He made me some steak and mashed potatoes for dinner and we bought the Affliction PPV and taped the UFC one. I fell asleep halfway through, but whatevs, I had a great day.

Sunday, much of the same, although instead of video games and MMA, I watched a marathon of Bridezillas and Platinum Weddings on We. With Dirty. Who was more into it than I was. Scary. Towards the evening, my stomach was getting queasy at the thought of talking to Sidekick about my decision. Got a frantic call from Penny while watching the Deadliest Catch marathon. Talked her down, went to sleep, only to be woken up by Dirty sawing wood. Man he snores so loud. Punched him in the arm and he turned over. Fell asleep again. Weekend Over.

Spoke to Sidekick this morning, it's all good. She kissed my ass a little and told me she was happy that I am not leaving. We'll see.


Pineapple Mojito recipe- this will make about 5 drinks.

1 can crushed pineapple in pineapple juice. I like Dole.
20 or so mint leaves. From my Aerogarden.
3 Limes
Rum- Please use a good aged rum, I like Flor de Cana or Ron Viejo de Caldas. You could use another one, but it won't taste as good. Believe me I've tried. Most of them.

Take a few chunks of the pineapple and some juice into a cocktail shaker. Add 5 mint leaves or more to taste, some sugar, depending on how sweet you want it and ice. Shake the hell out of it to break up the pineapple and mint leaves and dissolve the sugar. Add the juice of 1/4 lime and a few ounces of rum with some pineapple juice. Shake again and strain into a glass with ice. Mmmm, mmmmm, good.

If you don't like this recipe, Google another one. You will not be disappointed.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Worst News Ever

Remember how I was so excited about my new job, and resigned?


Well, the agency that I was moving to rescinded their offer. Today. The day after I got my hire packet in the mail.

I have no words. :(

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Better Late Than Never

So here are my 99 things. Before I started writing it, I didn't think I was going to come up with 99 things, but here they are.


  1. My real name isn't Sloane.
  2. I wish it was.
  3. I got the name from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, one of my favorite movies.
  4. My real name is very ethnic.
  5. I have super fair skin and dark hair.
  6. The kicker? Tons of freckles.
  7. I don't tan in the sun, I freckle.
  8. Although I love them, I wish I was able to get a kick ass tan.
  9. I've lived in NYC my entire life.
  10. I bought an apartment in January 2007.
  11. I moved in in June.
  12. I think it was a big mistake.
  13. My whole family (extended) thinks that Dirty and I live together.
  14. We don't.
  15. I got the apartment before I got the boyfriend.
  16. I live underneath a bunch of crackheads.
  17. I hate it.
  18. I want to sell my apartment and buy a house with Dirty.
  19. One of the main reasons why is so I don't have to deal with people living above me.
  20. Oh, and because I love him.
  21. And I want to marry him.
  22. I am scared that he will never ask me.
  23. I know that if that happens, I should walk away.
  24. That will be one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do.
  25. I'm afraid I'm not that strong.
  26. Sometimes I think my life is too good.
  27. I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
  28. Sometimes I wish I was more religious.
  29. I admire people who have blind faith in a higher power.
  30. I don't have that much trust.
  31. It makes me sad.
  32. I am doing this list at work.
  33. I have no work to do today.
  34. I am spending my time online.
  35. I've checked out of this job a long time ago.
  36. I just go through the motions everyday.
  37. I don't think anyone can tell.
  38. If they can, they have never said.
  39. I wouldn't care anyway.
  40. I am a little nervous about my new job.
  41. I know that once I get there, I'll fit right in.
  42. It sounds funny, but I relate better to a bunch of thugs than with "professional" people.
  43. I look really young for my age.
  44. I will be 32 in September.
  45. It used to be a barrier.
  46. I always tell my real age.
  47. No one believes me anyway.
  48. It will come in handy as I reach old age.
  49. I rarely get dressed up, only for special occasions.
  50. My general work "uniform" is pants and a button down shirt.
  51. My weekend wear is jeans and t-shirts.
  52. When I do get dressed up, I look completely different.
  53. Everyone wonders why I don't do it more often.
  54. I wonder if I do look that bad?
  55. I love to sleep.
  56. I don't get a lot of it during the week.
  57. I can't seem to catch up on it during the weekends lately.
  58. I love to cook.
  59. I always wanted to be a professional chef.
  60. But I don't think that I could handle the criticism.
  61. I rarely cook anymore.
  62. It is not so fun to cook for one person.
  63. Dirty usually cooks for me when we are together.
  64. Sometimes I feel guilty about it.
  65. My mother thinks I treat him badly.
  66. I just think he is well trained. :)
  67. He cleans my house for me. All. The. Time.
  68. He takes care of me when I am sick.
  69. Which I seem to be all the time lately.
  70. I have IBS.
  71. Which means I am literally full of shit.
  72. My family teases me about that all the time.
  73. It is really funny.
  74. I don't follow the diet I am supposed to.
  75. If I did, I would be extremely thin.
  76. I just can't give up certain foods.
  77. I've tried.
  78. My trainer has helped me lose almost 15 pounds.
  79. I can't tell.
  80. Neither can my friends or family.
  81. I think the scale may be wrong.
  82. I feel like I am destined to be the fat girl.
  83. I don't want to be.
  84. I wear glasses.
  85. Currently I have 4 different pairs that I rotate.
  86. I have a hard time wearing contact lenses.
  87. My eyes are extremely dry.
  88. I only wear them to go out.
  89. I got my first pair when I was 10.
  90. They were really ugly.
  91. I feel like I can hide behind my frames.
  92. They are a barrier between me and the world.
  93. I helped most of my friends pick out their frames.
  94. They are usually something that they would never select for themselves.
  95. It is a gift. I am the Eyeglass Whisperer.
  96. I should have been an optometrist.
  97. It would have saved me A LOT of money.
  98. Here I am at the end.
  99. 17 work days to go!

Whew. Yes it is 17 work days, the counter includes the weekends. I don't!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Blast from the Past

I was reading this post by Stella and it really got me thinking a lot about the kids I may have someday.

I am the middle child. That should say it all. But really, it just scratches the surface. I have an older brother, with whom my parents thought the sun shone out of his ass, and a younger sister, that did and continues to get away with murder.

So back to poor Sloane the middle child. I was very awkward growing up, much smarter than the kids around me, and more mature. My parents (who really are great, despite the complaining in this post), really didn't know how to raise "Americans". They both were born in Italy, my mom coming here when she was 12, and my dad coming here when he was 25. They were and still are a bit old-fashioned and really very strict.

We always had enough. That's it. Enough. There were no extras. According to my parents, they were unnecessary. No dancing school lessons, no sleepovers, rarely a play-date with someone who lived off of my block. And I wanted those things, badly. I wanted cool LEATHER Keds sneakers, with the scrunchie socks. I wanted to wear a spangly costume and take corny pictures in a showgirl pose. I wanted to have a sleepover birthday party. I wanted to have a perm and crispy bangs like every other girl I knew. (what? I grew up in the 80's.) I look back now, and thank my parents, because they knew I would look even more hurt than I already did, what with the telescopic glasses and train-track braces.

That being said, it really wasn't until I went to high school and got a job at the Gap that I was finally able to wear cool clothes and get some kind of style. I realized that glasses can be stylish (yay!), and developed a fetish for them. I began becoming more confident with my intelligence and instead of sitting back and letting other people lead me, I became a leader.

I have always said that I want to instill in my daughter the same confidence that I missed out in my earlier years. I think that boys have it easy, little girls can be bitches. I see my niece, who is all of 7 months old, and want her to have that confidence starting very young. I have already started to amass a wardrobe for her, although my bro and sil are very aware of what she wears. She has 10 pairs of earrings already and I am going broke buying her hair bows and other accessories.

Seriously, it may not seem like a big thing, and something so insignificant, but when you are shunned because you are wearing Velcro sneakers from Fayva (all my NYC'ers know what I'm talking about), and not the latest LA Gears. It hurts. Deep.

Then when you are about to turn 32 you write a blog post about it. Who needs therapy now?

Friday, July 11, 2008

Bombs Away!

Dropped the bomb today at 9:45am. I decided to do it early in the morning so that I could ruin Sidekick's day. I am pleased to say that I succeeded in my quest. Just to show you all how delusional she is the following is a loose transcript of our conversation, my comments are in parentheses.


Me: Sidekick, I need to speak to you for a few minutes.

Sidekick: Ok, I'm listening. (All the while looking at her computer screen)

Me: I am handing in my resignation effective August 8th. (Holding letter)

SK: What????!!! (Whips head away from computer screen)

Me: This is my resignation letter, effective August 8th. (still holding letter)

SK: How could you do this now? This is a bad time.

Me: Isn't it always a bad time when an employee decides to resign? (still holding letter)

SK: Wow, I didn't know you weren't happy here. I thought we got along great and you are a real asset to the team here. What other position could you have possibly gotten that competes with this one?

Me: I was offered a Clinical Director Position. (you guessed it, holding letter)

SK: Do you think you can handle that? That is a really tough position. You know that you are going to have to be a strong supervisor, and work really hard at following up about everything. I know you struggle with following up and completing assignments in a timely fashion.

Me: Well, my new supervisor has confidence in my abilities, so I'll let her worry about that now. (8x11 paper is really starting to get heavy). So here is my official resignation letter effective August 8th.

SK: So I guess I should wish you good luck then? Where are we going to find another CRC in such a short amount of time?

Me: Maybe Tall_Trees_ is still available. (considering she wanted to come back after she left)

SK: Wow, I can't believe it, I'll take your resignation letter now.


And scene. The whole thing took about 15 minutes, and I didn't get her usual raging, but she didn't disappoint. She was a little mellow today, but that didn't stop the petty comments coming through. Now if only I can live out the month. I know it hasn't sunk in yet with her and when it does, I will be in for it, big time.

20 days left.

****Edited to add: I just realized that my last day of work will be on 08/08/08. Pretty cool.****

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Dear Sidekick,

Eat Me.

Hugs and Kisses,



So do you guys think that that would be an appropriate resignation letter?

Unfortunately, if you only come here to read about my work drama, that is going to change. That's right. I have officially been offered another position with another agency a ton more money and I have taken it. I'm trying to come up with the most perfect resignation letter for Sidekick, so that she knows how much I hated her as my supervisor. I will be taking any suggestions. Oh, and I will totally be doing this in person, as I can't wait to see her face when I tell her.

Anyway, about my new job. I will be the clinical director for a substance abuse program. Back to the hood dealing with with all of my peoples again. I need to brush up on my slang. I will be supervising a team of 10 people, and hopefully I can be a good supervisor to them, NOT how Sidekick was to me and Penny.

I am still negotiating a start date, hopefully sometime mid August, and give myself a nice little vacay in between. For right now, I'm just trying to get through the rest of my time here and then I will be FREE!!!!

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and wow, it feels great.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Good News Coming Soon

Stay tuned.... I have some awesome news to share, but want to be 100% sure before I open my big, fat mouth. Pray that everything goes my way!

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Happy 4th

Hope everyone had a great 4th of July. I did.

I spent the entire day moving from bed to couch and back again. So nice just to stay in pajamas and relax. Didn't leave the house for anything. I am such a sloth. Love it.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

A 40 is Looking Really Good Right Now

I should have taken a page from this guy I saw on the train this morning and popped a few cold ones if I would have known what I was walking into today.

Sidekick is on a rampage.

Most of you know my severe dislike for my boss. Basically, she is a hater. Today she is in rare form, starting with a rebuking email from a mistake the SHE made, but of course had to blame someone else for. Whatevs. I am so used to her tirades that it doesn't phase me anymore, but I feel bad for my new Office Mate. I don't think I mentioned her before. She and I get alone very well because unlike Tall Trees, she actually, you know, works. OM is not really used to SK's tirades, so I had to school her. Poor thing was actually thinking that she did something wrong. No worries. One of the things that I like about her is that she gets hip to the game pretty quick.

Back to SK. In our staff meeting today, with 4 other people, she was making snide little comments about me asking for an increase. I think I posted about this before, but I am lazy to find it. I didn't get the raise because the "budget is frozen right now." Um, yeah. So she continued to make comments about how my work is suffering because I'm spoiled and didn't get my increase. So she took it there. So I said, well, apparently since around here the less you do the more you get paid I should be right on schedule. That shut her fat fucking face really fast.

We are meeting in an individual supervision to discuss my excessive absences. Why have I been excessively absent you ask? Because my office is currently at 55 degrees. I have about 60 emails (no exaggeration) that I have sent throughout the winter to her stating that the office was freezing and she never followed up about it. It finally turns out that when the entire staff called in sick one day (hmm, weird, right?), she followed-up and found that the thermostat in our area was broken, so the computer was registering 73 degrees when it was actually in the 50's. Get this, there is no way to fix it short of rewiring the entire floor. Is my cheap ass company going to pay for that? No way. They got us space heaters. In. the. summer. I know that when people see me commuting to work in my heavy pants and shirts, I look crazy, but it is because my body has not regulated a temperature since last January.

Can't wait to see what the rest of the day with her brings me. It is only 1:30pm after all. I have a lifetime to go.

So, a 40 would feel really good right now. At the very least, it will warm me up a little.