Sunday, April 30, 2006

Incognito like Clark Kent

Since the 5th grade, when the school vision test told me I needed to get glasses for my nearsightedness I've loved wearing glasses. My optician loves me considering the last time I went there I dropped almost a "G" on six different pairs glasses. I love that with one simple change, I can make myself look different.

When I wear my eyeglasses I feel like I am incognito. I use them to hide behind. I have been told that I have expressive eyes, and my glasses create a barrier between me and the outside world. I am always being told to select frames that are more ladylike, (because after all, guys don't make passes at girls that wear glasses), some thin wire frames that disappear into my face, so that you cannot tell that I am wearing glasses. People who choose frames like that are embarrassed to let people know they wear glasses. Considering that every great designer makes stylish eyewear now, I have lots to choose from. I prefer thick, plastic frames; my favorite frames are at the bottom of this post. They are from Converse and the style of the frame is called Villain. How appropriate, no?

Friday, April 28, 2006

Looking For The Guy In The Rated R Movie

Ask any single person over the age of 25 what their most feared phrase is and they'll tell you it is: "I know someone that would be perfect for you!" When someone says this to me, I know that they have no idea about me at all.

Tell me where you found that guy that likes to watch professional wrestling, knows the words to at least 7 Beastie Boys songs, appreciates good food and likes to cook it, writes with his left hand, wears glasses, is taller than 5'6", is easy on the eyes, and is capable of having an intelligent conversation; because in fifteen years of dating, I still have not found someone with any number of those interchangeable characteristics.

As wedding season approaches, and considering I am the lone singleton in my group of friends, I can be assured that the next few months will be rife with matchmaking.

Some of the gems that I have been saddled with include (I'll get more in detail in later posts):

  1. The guy who wouldn't leave Long Island.
  2. The guy who swore he wasn't a guido. (he was)
  3. The guy who kept getting arrested.
  4. The guy who was engaged, but wanted to keep his options open.
  5. The guy who was a degenerate gambler.

Since I have had to deal with going out for drinks and/or dinner with these "perfect" guys, I have come up with my own contingency plan for one of these dates. (Ladies: please feel free to cut and paste the list below and laminate it on a card for your wallet.)

  1. Do your research on this person, he is after all a stranger. If the matchmaker is reluctant to give out information, Caveat emptor.
  2. Always have a getaway route planned.
  3. Station your friends at strategic places at the meeting place.
  4. Cell phones are your friends. Make a plan for someone to call in the middle of the date, you can then decide if you want to go or stay.
  5. If all else fails, envoke the Dating Lemon Law.

Now this post makes it seem like I am anti-dating. On the contrary, I love men. It's just that most of the men I meet have not been to my liking. As my Grandmother used to say "ci รจ un scarpa per ogni piede."

I'll leave you with my favorite quote from my favorite movie Swingers:

"I don't want you to be the guy in the PG-13 movie everyone's *really* hoping makes it happen. I want you to be like the guy in the rated R movie, you know, the guy you're not sure whether or not you like yet. You're not sure where he's coming from. "

I want the guy in the rated R movie. Is that so hard to find?

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Career Opportunities

In October, I was forced to take a leave of absence from my job, and focus on getting treatment for a medical issue. Since then I have been doing a lot of thinking about my job, my clients and my co-workers, which I love, and the organization that I have worked for the past two years, which I do not.

I am a Certified Vocational Rehabilitation Counselor. What is that you may ask? Well, according to the United States Department of Labor:

Vocational counselors who provide mainly career counseling outside
the school setting are also referred to as employment counselors or career
counselors. In addition, career counselors provide support to persons
experiencing job loss, job stress, or other career transition

Rehabilitation counselors help people deal with the
personal, social, and vocational effects of disabilities. Rehabilitation
counselors also work toward increasing the client’s capacity to live

Basically, I am a guidance counselor for adults. I work for a non-profit social service agency that is more concerned with the status of their bank account than the well being of their employees. Since I have been on leave, I have kept in touch with most of the high-level administration keeping them abreast of my treatment and some of the more pertinent information regarding my condition. It’s not like I’m on my death bed; just unable to work at this time. Recently (last week), I was told by one of the administrators that I would need to quit or risk being fired due to the extended leave that I have taken. Their reasoning was that my job is too important to the facility and that they are losing revenue based on my absence. Clients that would come to see me are now sent to another facility within the organizations umbrella. I was given a month to make a decision. If I quit, I would be able to be re-hired by the organization when I am ready to go back. If I refuse, they can fire me, and then I would have no guarantee that I would get my job back, and lose all medical benefits. I spoke with my lawyer friend who said that they are within their rights to offer these options to me.

Before this ultimatum* was issued, I toyed with the idea of not returning, looking for something different in the same field. Since I have gone through so many changes in the past few months, this would be another place to be able to start fresh; the irony of this is that this is what I do for my clients. Since I am pretty well known in this field, I am not concerned about finding another job; I am always getting job offers sent to me. So I think I have made my decision to terminate my employ with this organization...I'll let them sweat it out until May 30th.

*I don’t work well with the ultimatums…you’ll see what I mean if you keep reading.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

New Year's Resolution

This is the year I turn 30. I decided that I would document the months leading up to my birthday as my New Year’s Resolution. Procrastination being what it is, and with a few unforeseen circumstances along the way (I’ll get into those later); April is the perfect time to begin this blog.