Blasts From the Past

I know that I have mentioned in the past that my friends and family have an unhealthy fixation with setting me up on blind dates, and since wedding season has been upon us for a few weeks already I am happy to say that no matchmaking has occurred as of yet. Although, now that I wrote that, my cell phone will be ringing off the hook. I am like a bear, I hibernate in the winter, so when the sun comes out I am ready to rejoin society. For this post I thought that I would elaborate on some of the past horrors that I have been subjected to.

1. The guy who wouldn't leave Long Island, NY. - While I am a big fan of comfort zones and staying in them, there is something to be said for a 32 year old baby who will not venture into the big city to meet someone for a drink. Not wanting to rock the boat, I met him near his house. The only good thing about it was that I had a getaway car at my disposal. His brother dropped him off at the restaurant, He stiffed our waiter out of a tip, and he asked me for a ride home. I found out later that he doesn't drive. He never learned. He told me that his mother or brother drove him everywhere, so there was no need for him to learn. If I need to specify why I never saw him again, you obviously have not been paying attention.

2. The guy who swore he wasn't a guido. (he was) -When you wear a track suit with a wife beater, you look like an extra from the Sopranos. When you wear that on a date, don't expect to see me again. When someone specifically asks you if you are a guido, don't deny it. You know you are. Ask the gel in your hair, it will tell you the truth. By the way, if you are a guy and use self tanner in the winter, you have bigger issues than I want to deal with.

3. The guy who kept getting arrested. - I don't do criminals, I work with them. This guy had been arrested six times for charges ranging from inciting a riot to assault. Thanks but no thanks, I like my body sans bruises.

4. The guy who was engaged, but wanted to keep his options open. - If you thought enough of someone to ask them to marry you, then your options are over. As someone who has been cheated on badly, it really is not a nice feeling once it is found out. I don't judge, and I know that that type of situation works for some people, it doesn't work for me.

5. The guy who was a degenerate gambler.- This guy wanted to take me to the racetrack when we met which was fine, I like going to see the horeseraces. What was not fine with me was when he asked if he could borrow 500 dollars. Do I look like the First Municiple Bank of Sloane? I work in social service, I'm no millionaire. Needless to say, that ended quickly.

I know that there are things about me that would come out if this blog was written by a guy that I have dated, so ever the equal opportunist, in an upcoming post I will list some things about me that may have potential dates running for the hills.


DISCLAIMER: This post in no way, shape, or form should be construed as a cry for matchmaking. I can fuck up my own life very well on my own, I don't need help.