How Do I Love My Family...Let Me Count the Ways

Ever wonder if you were switched at birth? I do, every time my family gets together to "celebrate" a holiday. Why, you ask? Well, grab a lawn chair and a Heineken; this could take a while.

Those of you that heard the podcast from Mother's Day know that I come from a large Italian family. (Those that didn't hear the podcast, you missed out, it was funny.) This leads to very large family gatherings at certain points of the year. The 4th of July is usually the largest. This year, however, our numbers have increased exponentially due to engagements, marriages and births. I would say that there were about 60 people at my aunt's house today. The following incidents occurred, leaving me to wonder if I should finally look into those hospital records once and for all. (I know the bulleted lists are getting old, but they are the only way I can think of to organize my thoughts after a long day spent with family. Forgive me.)

1. My aunts and uncles work on two volumes: loud and louder. Loud when speaking amongst themselves, louder when they speak to their children. You can then imagine that the decibel levels in that backyard reach astronomical heights. I am surprised the only hearing loss is of the selective version utilized by myself and my cousins towards our parents.
2. My uncle didn't have time to install a toilet paper holder or a towel rack in the bathroom that was remodeled almost 5 years ago, but he found the time to splice cable wires to set up a big screen TV in his garage so that the guys could watch the World Cup game.
3. Telling one person about the condition of my resignation from work turned into a game of telephone gone horribly wrong; I was interrogated about my future plans, my financial situation and given countless names and telephone numbers of strangers that I could call for a job, none having to do with my actual career or what I went to school for.
4. The main topic for the day was my brother's upcoming wedding. My future sister-in-law is not friendly. My mother thinks she is shy, my sister and I call it bitchiness. She spent the entire day going over all of her plans down to the last sequin on her shoes with anyone who would listen. That was my cue to go smoke cigars and drink with the guys in the garage.
5. If all the kids can play their PSP's and listen to their I-Pods to keep them quiet, why can't I read my book in peace? Getting interrupted every 13.8 seconds to see if I want something to eat or drink is very irritating. I can get whatever I want for my self. I'm a big girl, I'm allowed to pour my own juice now. (TM my cousin's 5 year old daughter)

I could go on for days on this topic, maybe Oct and I will do a podcast about it when she's done working on her movie.

Today is also my Grandmother's 95 birthday. She is coming from Italy in a few weeks for my brother's wedding. Before I get all sappy, I'll just say that she is the one person in this world that I trust and respect without question.

P.S. Should you move out of your neighborhood when you can't tell the difference between fireworks and gunshots? Happy 4th of July!