Happy Halloween!

I couldn't decide which picture to use, so I chose both. Try not to eat too much candy, and be safe in your reveling.

What Do You Look Like Again?

In order to allow my liver to regenerate a bit since I have been on an alcoholic liquid diet for the past two weeks, I took this weekend off. It was so nice to lie all snuggled in my bed on Saturday listening to the wind and rain and not have to be out in the bad weather running errands or having to wrangle my hair into an acceptable style and put an outfit together.

During my lie-in, while on the phone with a friend, I finally admitted to something that has plagued me for many years. I don’t remember what people look like. I know that sounds weird, but keep reading and you will learn even more about my deep, dark secret. I never said I was normal, and I know that my issue is more widespread than just me. There was a Sex and the City episode about it when Carrie meets Berger.

Whenever I meet someone new (usually a guy), I never remember what they look like. This tends to hinder me, especially if I go to the same places often (which I do and as an aside, I have also realized that I need to frequent different bars; i.e. not only those that are named after the streets that they are located on although for convenience they can’t be beat.), guys think I am being unfriendly or arrogant (aka bitchy) when I don’t say hello, or speak to them when it really is that I don’t remember what they look like. I’ll remember the conversation just fine, and some details of the person, but couldn’t pick them out of lineup.

By the way, this has nothing to do with alcohol. Basically this all stems from insecurity. Trust me; I have worked this out for a long time. When I am introduced to someone, I feel that I am unremarkable and guys won’t remember me, so I block what they look like out of my mind. Sounds good, right?

More than likely, though, it’s probably because on a subconscious level, I am not interested in what these dudes have to say; and forgetting what they look like is my minds’ way to tell me to move it along. I know that that sounds really rude, but it is the truth… so I guess what I wrote in the previous paragraphs is really true. I am a rude, arrogant bitch. Oh well, at least I think I'm cute, when my hair works with me. (: P)


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P.S.: I think I have found an apartment with my name all over it. It is 1300 square feet; with 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a terrace off the kitchen that has a water view and a parking space in the garage. The building also has a pool, tennis court, gym facilities and a roof deck. Obviously it is not in Manhattan, because for the price it is listed for I would be lucky to get an oversized closet on the 9th floor in a 10 floor walkup.

P.P.S.: I'm planning my March vacation to Curacao, which I hope will not be overrun with Spring Breakers and parasites. I've already explained my luck with parasites. One of these days I'll tell you about my luck with boy Spring Breakers...long, long, long after graduation.

Pre-Mid-Life Crisis

What exactly are the qualifications to claim a mid life crisis? Is there a specific age or behavior that classifies one’s actions as mid-life crisis? I think I am having one; so instead of looking to buy a sports car, I started looking at apartments to buy. My goal is to be in a new place by the spring. Springtime=rebirth. Clever, no?

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I keep getting emails in my work mailbox about improving my sex-life.

The most recent email:

Good afternoon: Would you like to have stronger ejaculation?
See our offer: http://barraildcom/gal/gsm/
Surely you only dream of it. Now it’s possible to do with magic tab
Use this tab regularly and you’ll have the best Buy it now – and this night will be the best in your life

Even my junk mail knows I am not getting any; and mocking me for it.

P.S.: Last time I checked, I still didn’t have a penis.

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Lately, all the books I have been reading have been coming-of -age tales. These three books were my favorite of the bunch. By the way, these are all easy reads, and I guarantee that you all will be able to relate to the characters.

Mister Posterior and the Genius Child by Emily Jenkins

Bad Haircut: Stories of the Seventies by Tom Perrotta

King Dork by Frank Portman

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This recent comment sums up my last post about denim skirts with leggings and slouchy boots, and says it better than I could have; therefore I have nothing else to say on the subject. Thanks Eve.

It looks allright on 8 year old girls but if you're out of middle school:
please don't wear it!

Leggings don't look good on anyone and skirts are awesome but they should be worn with decent shoes (w/killer heels) and not with slouchy boots!

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ETA:

I've finally gotten my shit together and added some links to the sidebar. In the interest of fairness, they are in alphabetical order. I don't play favorites, I love all my blogs equally. Except for my sister. She'd kick my ass if she wasn't first on the list.

Don't Think I've Forgotten...

about needing to discuss the "new" trend of wearing cropped leggings underneath a denim skirt with slouchy boots.

Topic: It is currently 2006, not 1986. There is a reason why 80's fashion should stay in the 80's. It's UGLY!!

Discuss.

Croc of Bull

I have never claimed to be a fashionista; more than anything I am a comfortista, meaning that I dress for comfort and function rather than style. That being said, I usually keep up with the trends only to participate in them when the novelty and trendiness has worn off.

The one trend that I have difficulty buying into, let alone desire in participating in is the Croc trend. I see them everywhere in Manhattan, and hipper parts of Queens and Brooklyn, (I don’t mess with the Bronx), but cannot get into the spirit of them. I think they are the ugliest shoes in the world with their rainbow palette of colors and plastic appearance.

Now, don’t get me wrong; I understand the purpose behind the shoe. Originally developed for service fields; i.e. doctors and chefs, who work on their feet for long hours, they have been co-opted by people who think that they look cute and whimsical. The real issue that I have with these “shoes” is that they have infiltrated the professional world. Excuse me, but if you expect me to take you seriously in a meeting, wearing bright lime green clog type shoes with a business suit is not the way to go about that.

If this trend has not hit your area yet, be thankful. No one that I know currently owns a pair, although my sister has been talking about buying a pair. That’s when I will have to disavow any knowledge of her, which will be hard to do since we live together and she does my laundry.

Wow, Your Hair Is So Sparkly

As if I didn’t have enough of a complex about the unruliness and uncooperativeness (is that even a word?) of my hair, while in the bathroom at a restaurant, some girl came up to me and commented on the “sparkliness” of my hair. It took me a minute to realize what she was talking about. Once I did, I turned around and told her that I get the silver highlights put in specially.

I know I have gray hairs. I prefer to ignore them; and hope they go away; therefore, I do not need some drunk and/or high female in a public bathroom to point them out to me.

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I added a new function to this blog: e-mail subscription. The sign-up box is found in the sidebar. Now you should have no excuse for not keeping up with all my trials and tribulations.

Is Someone Trying To Tell Me Something?

It's Friday, and I come into work a little hungover. Me and Office Mate in various states of consciousness come back from lunch, and find the following two emails in our inboxes.

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-----Original Message-----
From: Xxxxxxx [mailto:Xxxxxxx @ xxxxxx.xxx]
Sent: Friday, October 13, 2006 12:41 PM
To: XxXxxxx, Xxxxx
Subject: We will get you the results you need


Buy it now ? and this night will be the best in your life It?s the best thing you had ever seen! It starts great but you feel like finishing within very first minutes? This is a common thing.

Don?t be afraid
http://utexaloci.com/gal/vm/
Confidence and affection of your partner are the greatest things you get.



-----Original Message-----
From: XXxxxx [mailto:XxxxXxxxxxxxxx@xxxxx.xx.xx]
Sent: Friday, October 13, 2006 12:41 PM
To: XxXxxxx, Xxxxx
Subject: And the results will impress your girl

Enjoy multi-orgasms using this powerful thing
It will be great We all hate her saying her previous partner did not finish that soon.
Don't trust me? http://uindasho.com/gal/vm/
She just won't be able to leave you at all! Be her number one forever! You'll have a huge crush on each other again.

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Yeah, that's what I said.

Act Now…Supplies Are Limited!

Is anyone interested in buying some certified pre-owned pimples? They brand new; and I am willing to part with them for a small fee. I’ll let them go for 2 dollars each, 3 for five. If you act now, within the next 6 hours, I will throw in the fourth free.

I thought that once you left puberty behind, zits would be a non-issue. Obviously I was wrong. I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror to see these growths that sprouted overnight. The biggest is right on my cheek, close to the bottom rim of my glasses. It is so big that I can’t wear my glasses because they touch. Another one is on the left side of my face underneath my ear, and don’t forget the twins on the jaw on my left side. The thing about these zits are that they are painful; I mistakenly scratched my cheek forgetting that I had one there, and I felt like my cheek was engulfed in flames.

I guess if I get bored today at work, instead of falling asleep, I can play connect the dots.

Press Fast Forward

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m moving in slow motion. I don’t know if it is because of the change in weather, or my old age catching up with me, but I am having a really hard time getting out of bed in the morning. The past 2 days have seen me fall asleep at work. Should I be concerned that I have become narcoleptic?

Although, thanks to the change in the weather, my favorite article of clothing for men has resurfaced! I am talking about the pullover sweater-vest. If you had doubts about my nerdiness before, I am sure that I just cemented my position by announcing my love of that article of clothing. I think that it is the only clothing item that looks good on every single guy, and wearing one is the best way to avoid a chest cold, while not getting overheated. Mmmm…glasses and a sweater vest. No better combination in the world. Add left-handedness and I think I’m in love.

Staff Development Day aka I Should Have Stayed in Bed

Am I the only one in NYC at work today? The trains were empty this morning, as I traveled to a meeting held at Cooper Union. We should have had the day off, since our funding source was closed, but the agency decided to hold a Staff Development Day. Most social service agencies have development days to introduce a new program or training. My agency uses development days to tell you about everything that has been going wrong, and how they are going to fix it.

The meeting was over at 11:30 am, and I thought that I would get the opportunity to go home afterwards, and celebrate the rest of Columbus Day by sleeping on my couch; but found out that my boss had scheduled another meeting for 3pm! WTF!?! So, I had to head to my office after the obligatory “networking” lunch with staff from another facility. We were supposed to use the time between meetings to meet with our staff to go over some of their difficult cases. I used the time to take a nice nap.

My boss is a really bad meeting scheduler. We have a standing supervisors meeting every Friday at 4pm; which is the absolute worst time to hold any kind of meeting. She apparently never gotten the memo that MY workweek ends at 3pm on Friday. She’ll learn.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

My sister, OCT-LIBRA is 27 today. Join me in wishing her a happy birthday! Because Oct's got big time showbiz connections, we are going out for dinner to Bar Americain.

I Call Shenanigans!

I love my job, I do, but I met a client today that almost made me change my mind. She was applying for an exemption from employment. Normally the process is a quick one; a few quick assessments and they get approved based on an existing physical or mental disability. She tried to cheat during the assessments, and wanted to give me money so that I would approve her exemption on the basis that she developed a learning disability because of the hardship in her life.

This woman applied for public assistance (welfare) after being released from a VERY expensive spa (rehab) in Connecticut. As a condition of her release, she needed to get involved in both vocational and educational activities. She enrolled in a “TV college” (a school that is advertised on commercials during Maury and Jerry) for Fashion Merchandising, and she has the nerve to sit in front of me and complain that her program wants her to go to school AND work. At the same time! This woman is in her mid 30’s and has never had a job in her entire life

To add insult to injury, she then went on to mention that she is not even paying for her classes; that the Department of Education Disability Services is paying for her training because she knows someone who works there and who put her paperwork through. As she is going on and on about her poor-me life, my office mate and I looked at each other like “WTF is this bitch complaining for?”

After listening to her whine for about 20 minutes, my office-mate escorted her out of the office before I could tell her to be grateful that she wasn’t sent to jail after she got into a car accident while she was high and that she was lucky she knew people that wanted to help her by faking documents.

I wish I would have known these tricks when I was going to graduate school and working full-time. I could have claimed I developed a learning disability from the hardship in my life...my height. I was so stupid back then; standing in the bursars office on my tip-toes writing personal checks to pay my tuition. ;)

I Feel the Need...The Need for Speed

After a weekend of straight partying, I am officially stating that Birthday 2006 was a success, and that 30 looks pretty good on me. :P I wasn’t expecting much more than what I wrote on my last post, (I wasn’t even expecting that much), but after my flying lesson on Saturday, (I’ll get into that in a minute), my sister threw me a surprise party at a NYC bowling alley. It was so much fun; eating, drinking and bowling. Little tip: Bowling during a laser light show and listening to hits from the 1980's will not help your game at all. In fact, you can use that distraction as an excuse as to why you only bowled a 108 between 2 games with the bumpers in use.

Now on to the big things…

This is the type of airplane I flew.

My first flying lesson was awesome. If anyone has the opportunity to take just one lesson, DO IT. My instructor is a female and we have the same name. She is 24 and has had her pilot’s license since age 18. I flew a single engine Cessna, and my sister got the whole thing on video. (When she converts the format, I’ll upload it onto YouTube, so you can see my skills at work.) The day was really great; a perfect day for flying, but it got a bit bumpy towards the end of the flight because the clouds and wind started moving in, but my takeoff and landing were really smooth. The view from the cockpit was beautiful, but flying over Long Island Sound was a bit scary; we hit a few air pockets and dipped sort of low. I had to pull back and raise the plane again. A bit nerve-wracking, but fun nonetheless. Maybe the G5 airplane that I posted as a joke gift for my birthday might not be such a joke after all.

If anyone is interested in taking flying lessons, go here for more information.