Friday, August 08, 2008

Suspicious Activity

This is a very difficult blog entry to write, partly because it makes me sick to my stomach that I almost became "that girl".

Before I get into the story, I would like to thank Penny for talking some sense into me. It really helps to have someone in your life that you can share things with and not be judged for them. I couldn't even tell my therapist this, because I know that she would judge me badly.

I'll start at the beginning. My friend Rachel who recently passed away would have these massive parties when we were in college and invite pretty much everyone in the tri-state area. I met random friends and family members that were interconnected somehow. One of Rachel's cousin's, Lisette had a friend Betsy, who had a brother named Andy. When I was in college, Andy was maybe 17 or 18. Nothing major, him and his boys would hang around with us, and we would buy them alcohol and other party favors.

Fast forward 11 years at Rachel's wake. I see him again briefly, but don't really talk to him.

Three days later, Dirty got a copy of an amateur porn from his douchebag friend. We started watching it and one of the actors look familiar to me. I look a little closer and pause the dvd and it looks like Andy. I tell Dirty the whole story, and tell him that it looks like him. Dirty gets all weird, and tells me to contact him to see if it is really him.

Confused yet? Well there's more.

So I contact my friend who gives me his contact info, and I send an email. Turns out, it was Andy. In his response email, he invited me and Dirty out for drinks with him and his girlfriend. I tell Dirty about drinks and a very strange dream about the two of them. Well, he flips out and accuses me of wanting to be Andy. I don't.

Throughout this I have been emailing Andy and catching up with him about both of our lives and just random stuff. Nothing inappropriate. It was nice to get a different guys opinion on stuff that I was going through. So when he suggested we get together for drinks without Dirty, I was tempted. He asked for my number and wanted to make plans to meet this weekend, conveniently when Dirty will be in Boston with douchebag, who started this all.

WTF was I doing? WTF is wrong with me? I love my boyfriend so much; why was I so willing to throw it all away for drinks with some guy that I know if Dirty would find out it would be over?

I am NOT making excuses for my behavior, because I think that what I did was totally wrong; but I'm a little scared at how easy it was for me to get caught up in something like this. Is it because Dirty is unemployed and making it very difficult for me to be supportive of him? Is is because something is not really right with us? Is it me? Is it him?

I got lost, but luckily Penny was my GPS.


rage said...

You have good friends around to support you Sloane.

KBear said...

i'm really sorry, but, um, i think Dirty got a little too anal. I don't see anything wrong with meeting an old friend for drinks, especially when he was invited.

I would have said no to just the two of you after that, but if he had invited me out before Diry freaked, I would have said yes, and told Matt about it and that would be that. I guess I just don't understand the big deal, cause I don't know the whole back story maybe?

Anonymous said...

I know how you're feeling. Before I was officially engaged or married, I would have never given a second thought to doing something like this because I didn't HAVE a GPS. It took me a while to get that "I have a man now, that is NOT ACCEPTABLE anymore" GPS because well let's be honest, I was a slut before I met him. Boyfriends were a dime a dozen.

On the flip side, being that I am the jealous type, I would have lost my mind if Kevin wanted to meet some broad he knew before (and now is seeing in a porno!!) for drinks alone. I would have questioned her motive.

Over time, you will probably notice Dirty will make a bad decision or two also. Don't beat yourself up for (ALMOST) going out with this guy. The fact of the matter is, it never happened and that's what is important. You made the right call and it is something to learn from and certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

~Penny~ said...

You're welcome:)

Anytime! I am glad you deaded that shit. Its not worth it.

I am off to give you a holla!

Lisa Johnson said...

I am SO GLAD that Penny set you straight. I had to learn the HARD WAY that once you're committed to someone, you can't really hang out w/ single guy friends anymore (especially ones that were in a porno video). Just reverse the situation and how would you feel if Dirty did the same thing?

Mrstx said...

Don't beat yourself up over this...sometimes these things happen. ahem. ;D

The important thing is that you didn't do anything wrong and that you cut off communication. It can feel harmless but it isn't if Dirty would dump you if he found out about the drinks.