I Plead the 5th

After talking to my college roommate Claire today about certain memories from college that have been buried deep in the annals of our brains, I read this post which confirmed to me that I am not the only one not claiming my inappropriate behavior due to my selective memory.

All of the stories below are true, only identifying information have been slightly altered to protect the innocent or incriminate the guilty. None of these incidents occurred while on Spring Break. (I got into enough trouble during the academic year; I didn’t need a ticket to Cancun to give me permission to act out). The only people that know about these stories are those who were involved. I keep my dirt WAY undercover. That’s the best part of looking like a geek, nobody suspects a thing.

The Top Three Forgotten on Purpose Incidents

1. My 4 roommates and I were out to dinner celebrating a 21st birthday. We were seated next to a table with about 10 soldiers in fatigues. We started joking back and forth with them, and they started buying us drinks after they heard what we were celebrating. They left. Through our waitress, they sent us a note inviting us to the hotel where they were staying. Being slightly inebriated, and looking for some more free alcohol we went…and found out that they were part of a larger group of soldiers in the area for the Army/Navy football game. Yeah, putting 5 young girls in a room full of strange soldiers might not have been the safest idea, but we all had a really good time. After, we framed the note and hung it on our refrigerator, and everyone that came into our house and saw the note asked what happened that night. Between the 5 of us, none of us could recall a thing. Strange, huh?

2. During my semester abroad, Claire and I decided to go out dancing. I was wearing a new dress and shoes that I had just bought. No problem right? Wrong! I didn’t realize until the end of the night that my dress was completely see-through. This was after I was pulled up onto the speakers by the security guy and started shaking my ass like it was my job. (I thought it was because he was worried that I was going to get trampled by the crowd because I am so short) I thought that the crowd of guys in front of the speakers were cheering and clapping because of my awesome dance moves, until Claire finally noticed, pulled me aside and told me. In class a few days later, my professor (who was young and apparently at the club on the night my bits were on display) took me aside and mentioned my performance. I did the only thing I could do…I told him that I didn’t have any idea what he was talking about. By the way, yes, I was wearing underwear, and no, it didn’t really cover much. At least it happened when I was skinny.

3. While visiting a friend at her college, I met her boyfriend’s friend. We went out to the bars by her school, and spent some quality time together. After leaving the bar, we couldn’t find a cab, so we left my friend and her bf and “went for a walk” together. We wound up near a park and spent some time there. When we left, we noticed a really bad smell around us. Thinking nothing of it we continued on our way. When we got back to my friends dorm, we still hadn’t gotten rid of the smell. After looking all over to try and figure out what it was, we realized that the park we were in was not a park at all but land that was part of a horse stable. Yes, that’s correct, we were surrounded by horseshit. Ask me why I didn’t notice the smell before we got down to business. Go ahead ask me. I have no answer for that one. Not my finest hour. At least I didn’t get any on me. That was all on him. .

Well, those are the three stories (from college) that I miraculously remembered in order to post them here, with help from Claire. Can you believe that I graduated college with a 3.75 GPA? Yeah, me neither. Sociology wasn’t that hard of a major.


*******************

PS: Congratulations to PMS (really her initials) on giving birth to twins: Evan Scott and Eric Stephen.