King of My Castle

The following is a short play that I wrote based on a true story. For hours of wholesome fun, get together with friends and family and act it out.

Characters:
Sloane
Telemarketer A

Scene: Early evening, around 6pm on a random weekday. Sloane is cooking dinner. The telephone rings.

Sloane: Hello

Telemarketer A (TMA): May I speak to Sloane Peterson please?

Sloane: Speaking.

TMA: We would like to offer... blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Sloane: No thanks, I am not interested.

TMA: Is there a Mr. Peterson or Head of Household I can speak with?

Sloane: No there isn't a Mr. Peterson, and you've just spoke with the head of household. Why would you think that speaking to another member of this household would get you a different response; considering that you asked to speak with me first because the telephone is registered under my name?

TMA: We'll try back another time.

Sloane: I don't think my answer would be different no matter when you try me back; please remove my name from your database.

TMA: We'll try back another time. (Hangs up)

End scene

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While I rarely give out my home telephone number to anyone anymore, I am always paranoid when that phone rings always thinking it is someone calling with bad news, which makes it ironic that more often than not, it is a telemarketer on the other side. I really don't mind the calls, they give me a chance to vent anger to a stranger with little to no repercussion.

I get about ten telemarketing calls a week. I have joined the Do Not Call Registry, and always ask to be removed from databases so I suppose it could be worse. Besides, my dad and I have a competition on who can make up the most outlandish stories tell the telemarketers or engage them in a conversation having nothing to do with their actual reason for calling. He usually wins; he is very creative. The last call he received from a chimney cleaning company, he told them that his house did not have a chimney because he removed it when his kids were young. The telemarketer asked him why (taking him seriously), and he said it was because when his kids were bad, to punish them he took the chimney away so Santa Claus couldn't leave gifts at Christmas. True story. Now do you see where I get it from?