Thursday, March 05, 2009

I'm Still Here...Are You?

So this whole posting once a month thing sucks for me. I have been so busy at work; to the point of taking work home on the weekends and I don't get to share my feelings when I have them. Unfortunately, when the economy is in the shitter, my work doubles. I guess I should be grateful that I still have a job, so I'll stop complaining now.

Let me start at the beginning:

Dirty and I have been in limbo for months since he became unemployed about moving forward, getting married, etc. For the past few weeks, he has been seriously talking about getting married at City Hall. The reason? Medical Insurance. Have I considered it? Yes. Why? I really am not into the whole rigmarole of wedding planning. It would be the easiest and best option. I can't see myself in a poufy white dress with a 400+ person reception. That is reality in my humongous Italian family. On the other hand, I really couldn't do that to my parents. I mentioned to my mother once about getting married at the reception venue, and you would think she got the vapors. Please. Mrs. Holy Catholic cannot have a daughter get married outside of the church. Whatevs. I am more concerned about the cash that we would miss out on with such a small wedding.

Another barrier to this is Dirty's mother. I know that I have mentioned my issues with her before but here is the full drama. Feel free to tell me I am a spoiled brat or worse. I already know.

Long story short: She was married to Dirty's father for 40 years. Dirty's father cheated on her with some lady in Miami while she was recovering from spinal surgery. Dirtbag. Anyway, when she found out they divorced, and DF moved to Miami. Since then she has been dependent on Dirty, financially and emotionally. Lately there have been times where she has been inappropriately involved in Dirty's life and I have been extremely vocal to him when it comes to her and her involvement in things that should not concern her. Dirty is noble to a fault and while he realizes that she oversteps boundaries, he will continue to defend her as his mother. I don't fault him for that. However, when it directly affects me and our relationship, I get angry and frustrated with him. I'll give you a quick example. We were visiting some of his family and his aunt asked me if I was finished renovating my apartment. Dirty's mother jumped in and said something like, Oh it must be so comfortable there because my son spends more time there than with me. I felt like shit, and when I mentioned it to Dirty, he told me that he thought she was joking, but he could see how it could be misconstrued. Um, ok. Anyway, he spoke with her and she apologized and said she was kidding. I took it. Whatevs. The thing that bothers me most of all is that she won't get in her place. Behind me. I am #1 now, and she needs to recognize that.

Bring on the flames for that last comment. :p

Anyway, enough about my relationship drama. Settle in kids; it's time for a Sidekick story!

We have been so busy lately, and in the midst of all this craziness we got audited from our funding source. Guess who came to audit? Can't guess? Tall_Trees_. Hell yes! It was so random and hilarious that she was BEGGING SK for a job. Thankfully she knows better now, so she rejected her, but whew, it was close.

SK is about 6 months pregnant now, and you still can't tell. Not because she hs carrying small, or she had a hot body; but because she was always so fat that she just looks fatter now. No belly or anything, just an extra roll added to the basket. Everytime I go into her office I gag because it either smells like greasy Chinese food or McDonalds. Diet of champions for her new growing baby BOY. She is already planning on putting the baby in commercials and acting. Since she has failed at that, she will torture her child with it. Oh, didn't I mention that SK is a struggling actress? She is and has her headshots all up on her Facebook page. Don't ask me how I know. I just do. LOL.

So that is basically where I am at now. I am curious to hear your opinions on the Dirty's mother situation.

P.S.: I know I have been crap with visiting and commenting on your blogs. I'll get better, I promise. (also flirting with the new computer geek at work helped me get my computer unblocked). <3


Jadeny said...

Ohh thank goodness you're back!! I was getting serious withdrawals.

As far as Dirty's mom goes....I think that the example you gave, was not too bad. That being said, if she feels free to make jokes like that, she probably feels free to say plenty worse. I say smack a hoe. haha j/k. In truth, if you really plan on being with him for the rest of your life, you have to just suck it up. It doesn't seem like he feels too inclined to make things right.

Wedding @ city be honest, it doesn't sound half bad. The truth is, the longer TB and I talk about marriage and the costs and our life plans...the smaller the wedding I want. At this point running off alone to an island sounds perfect, with the exception of the ass whooping my parents would bring when I got home. They dont like to be left out. I say do what is right for you and him and remember a wedding for 400+ people will cost just as much to have as you'll get back in gifts.

Miss you!

EJ said...

When all is said and done... I'm so happy I had a party... granted my wedding was only 110 ppl, we did bank when it came to cash money gifts :)

Also the bottom line is that it's almost as much as a day for your mom as it is for you. If you guys can make it through without WWIII.

As for the MIL - I'm not a huge fan of mine. But it is Dirty's mom... and she will always be there. Forever. ;)

Anonymous said...

First of all, it's leave an cleave people. Leave the parents and cleave to the spouse. Every catholic knows this. I get so tired of this battle. Mom and wife are NOT the same roles and each of you have your own role in his life. HOWEVER, I feel you are correct in that YOU should be number one in his life and her butting in is not something I would stand for either. If I had it my way, I would have gone to Vegas with a few friends and married Kevin there instead of going through all the stress of wedding planning. In the end, we had a 60 person wedding (just family and a few close friends) and it was SO perfect. I wouldn't change a thing. It's hard to have a small wedding when you have family with high expectations of that whole "princess" wedding.. and I totally get that.. but you really have to do what YOU WANT. It's hard for me to be that selfish, but I had to be. We didn't have a ton of money when we got married, we wanted a honeymoon and all these people who wanted to invite their 200 friends didn't open their wallets so they didn't get a say in it. Not only that, but *GASP* we had no kids at our wedding. That is something that we decided together and we still hear flack over it to this day. Whatever is what I say - everyone got a hotel (and a babysitter) and got drunk. Everyone took the shuttle back and had a BLAST. You have to do what's right for YOU and DIRTY. No one else. If you want to get married at the courthouse and keep it secret, then do it. Who cares? It's YOUR life. Especially if it means he has no insurance right now - that is serious. If he has an accident, you're in deep trouble. When he gets a job and your lives are back on track financially, then worry about a fancy wedding. For now, do what's best.

Sorry for the lengthy reply, but this is a situation that's close to my heart. Guilt may as well be my middle name and it's hard for me to stand up to my mother and my MIL.. but I had to learn how after all the crap they pushed on us during wedding time.

mommymeezer said...

I am gald you are back...I love your stories.

Dirty's mom...I have the samething here (hubby is an only child). As long as he promises you are always are ok. If he isn't willing to meet in the middle...trouble waters ahead. She is always going to be a pain and you will just have to deal with it.

Mrstx said...

Yep MIL's just sort of suck ass. What she said wasn't that bad though. I have changed my gameplan with my MIL over the years. When she visits now, she is my new BFF. We talk, go shopping, cook together and I act interested in hearing the same stories over and over again. She will always try to edge in closer to Dirty, but you can still be number 1 and not get pissed every time she says something dumb.

For example when she said that your place is more comfortable because Dirty is always there just playfull smack Dirty on the arm and say something like, "What are you thinking? You need to visit your Mom more!" and then laugh. That shows that you have the power because A) you are acknowledging that he likes being with you more, and B) you have the power to tell him what to do and C) She has no reason to be jealous because you are her ally in getting Dirty to do what she wants.

She will be the grandma someday and she will bless your life and love your children. And your children will love her no matter what.

tara said...

I got married at city hall and we will be married 13 yrs. this year.
If you get married at city hall ,can you have a party w/ your family,friends later?
Stella's advice on mil was perfect.
Good luck.

rage said...

I say get married at city hall and do the wedding when you can afford it...there's always time for the latter.

Hell, look what happened to me...I got sick and had to cancel my wedding and cruise completely. It was at that time that I realized that the materialistic stuff wasn't the important thing to me, it was wanting to be married to Temper...that is what matters most.

I still have to work out those plans, but you get the idea..

**Liz** said...

I agree with all the above. You do what you need to do and don't let anyone stop you.

Glad you are back.

FuzzyOctopus said...

You know what makes wedding planning easier? Here's the simple solution that worked for me:

step 1: get married and have the wedding that makes everyone but you happy. It'll end up being very nice and no one's feelings will get hurt. Wear the poof, invite a million people, have the DJ play electric slide. Get money.

step 2: find out your husband is gay when he cheats on you with a college guy he met on facebook. get a divorce.

step 3: meet the man of your dreams and get engaged to him.

step 4: have the wedding you really wanted to have the first time around. Because you went through so much crap with Gay Husband, no one is going to give you crap about your next wedding. Plus, since it's a second wedding, you have to keep it simple or be considered tacky.

See, wasn't that easy?

Ok, it wasn't easy. My second husband's mother is made of crazy and we went through so much crap with her it wasn't even funny. But long story short: we had the wedding we wanted to have on our budget. The in-laws got to throw a huge, boring, stodgy rehearsal dinner complete with a band and floral arrangments and we got to have a super fun outdoor wedding with hats and a broccoli bouquet. They were pissed, but they got over it and everybody had a blast. So make some small concessions for the inlaws, but have the day you want to have. After all, it is, barring any facebook tragedies, your only wedding. Make it about you and your husband.

Sorry this comment was like 30 pages long. ;)

Nic said...

How did you know it was me?
Sorry about the not putting USA on the letter.