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Friday, April 03, 2009

The Ultimatum

I have gotten a few comments and some emails about the ultimatum that I gave Dirty, so I will give you all the details. Please note that I act extremely bitchy in this post; if you only want to hear about the rainbows and unicorn version of this blog, skip this post. :)

For the past few months Dirty and I have peripherally speaking about marriage. I have mentioned before that due to his unemployment, he has been focused on wedding stuff, going so far as to sign up for a wedding related website under MY name. I digress.

All this wedding talk was getting me frustrated; and I finally broke and told him that unless he was serious enough to run out a get a ring to put on my finger that he needed to shut the f up about getting married. He got offended that I didn't think he was serious. Whatevs. It was a blow-up that got quickly squashed.

Fast forward to the day he found out that he had gotten the job. I was so excited for him (but more for me thinking that the ring was on its way). The first thing out of his mouth? Wow, now I can afford to buy the convertible bar for my car. Jigga What? I told him that the first thought in his head should be buying me a ring, since we had to put it on hold when he got laid off.

Ready for the kicker? He said that we have only been dating 2 years and that we hardly know each other. He needs time.

My mouth dropped open. I was like WTF? 2 years and you don't know someone. Dude, I hear you fart in your sleep. I think we have passed the point of trying to impress each other.

Anyway, I just told him flat out that if he wanted to waste time, he could find a 19 year old to waste time with, but since he decides to be with me, and I will be 33 in September, he needs to get his ass in gear and shit or get off the pot, and that if by December 31, 2009, he was still constipated, I was out. (Just to clarify, I am also not accepting a waiting until the last minute ring, it may be funny and cute, for Christmas or New Year's Eve, but no.)

After I said it, I felt so relieved. I didn't realize that I was holding so much anger and rage towards him about that. It just melted away. Since then, we have not discussed it, and he has not mentioned wedding stuff to me; and I like it that way. For me it is better not to be a topic of conversation, to get my hopes up unnecessarily.

So like I said, the clock is ticking...271 days left.

11 comments:

Jadeny said...

Good for you girl! I mean, for him to be non stop about getting married when he was unemployed and needing benefits one day and then to be suddenly employed and not interested is such major BS. Men can be so f-ing stupid. We definitely need to get together soon. In the meantime, feel free to call me if you ever need to vent.

PCS said...

Although BF doesn’t know _ yet_ my deadline is July 2010, it’s when I graduate from school and If we're still together by then it will have been for 4 and half years, I think it’s more than enough time...

EJ said...

I don't blame you one bit... after 2 years, he needs to put up or shut up.

Anonymous said...

AMEN sista!!!!!!

~Penny~ said...

I am so over wedding bullshit. I am angry and frustrated today. I am glad you feel better about telling him your date.

My guess is that it will happen over the summer/fall time. He is not stupid. Not even a little bit and after everything you told me...it is good.

Bet it happen before me:) Who, my bf has ZERO excuse to not be engaged by now......OVER IT!

delizcious said...

*high five*

How can he be so gungho about wedding stuff when he had all this time on his hands, yet when he can now do it, he backs the hell off? MEN!

Stella said...

Oh that is complete bullshit that you were there for him while he was unemployed for 8 months...and now that he can hold his head up high again his attitude is like, "whoa...we need to take it SLOW!"

Bullshit.

Does he really think that time is what he needs? Does he really think that a 19 year old Dollybird who just wants to have fun will stick by him for an 8 month unemployment? In you he has a partner who will be there through thick and thin. I really hope he realized what a treasure you are before it is too late.

AZ Larsens said...

Listen, I've been married 9 years this year and I still don't feel like I completely know my husband! So if he's waiting for some amazing revelation to tell him that he "knows" you enough to get married, he'll be waiting a long time! In the meantime, I think you're smart for giving him an ultimatum. No use wasting each other's time if you want different things, and 2-3 years is plenty of time to know what you want!

rage said...

I can't believe he said that he didn't know you after 2 years! WTF? I am glad you stood up for yourself!

SandLady said...

after 2 years he doesnt know you? he is full of bs. yay you for sticking up for yourself!

~Penny~ said...

I am bored with you...and your lack of posting...

zzzz.I KNOW your job ain't that busy sista!