Thursday, September 25, 2008

Baby Daddys and Sidekick Gossip... It's Your Lucky Day!

So most of you remember my friend T? Go here and here if you want a refresher. I am happy to say that she has stopped messing with Potato Head once and for all. Why, you ask? Well apparently he got another girl knocked up. She is currently 4 1/2 month pregs. Now for you super duper math majors out there who can add 2 and 2 together, you will notice that he was banging his baby's mama at the same time that he was banging T. Gotta love a douchebag.

Don't feel too bad for T though; during the time she was messing with PH, she started dating another dude, who ironically has an 11 year old son. She is taking it pretty well that she comes second to a kid, but we'll see what happens.

Now on to the greatest story that will ever be told to you in your life. Snuggle up on the couch in your pajamas with a cup of hot cocoa, because it is THAT good. You may even need a cigarette after. (although I don't condone smoking).

Picture it: September 2006. Sloane starts working at the agency. She meets Penny and her supervisor, Sidekick. Sidekick had just gotten engaged and was showing off her pebble to anyone with eyes. Fast forward to February, when she got married. Everything is hunky dory. Penny and I would speculate about certain suspicious comments she made every once and again.

Fast forward to July 2008. Sloane notices that Sidekick is not wearing her wedding rings, and that she has gained a TON of weight. (Now, you may be saying to yourself: But Sloane, how is it possible that she can get any fatter. Trust me, she can.) I bring up the issue of no wedding rings to Penny and she drops the bomb that Sidekick and her husband are getting a divorce.

Who? What? When? Where? Why?. Well, Sidekick got trashed one night and couldn't go home because she had been kicked out and called a friend to pick her up. She told the friend that her husband kicked her out because she was a lesbian. But wait, there's more.

The husband allegedly found Sidekick in bed with her lover. In an extremely compromising position. OK, you dragged it out of me. 69. Not really a position you can play off as not being what it is. He took the rings and kicked her and her girlfriend out of the house. But wait, it gets better.

She moved in with her girlfriend, who is a personal trainer. Now you may be saying: But Sloane, if her girlfriend is a personal trainer why is she so fat? Good question, maybe the gf is a chubby chaser. Who knows.

The best part of the whole story is that this past Monday, a process server came to the office to officially serve her with the divorce papers. Initially I had thought it was paperwork from a case that a disgruntled client was filing against the agency, but no. I walked around the entire building with the security guard and the process server to find her because she was not in her office. I didn't stay when I found her in her SUPERVISORS office, but when I spoke with the security guard after the fact, he told me that her face was priceless. Damn sorry I missed that.

So Sidekick is officially a lesbian. A big fat one.** :)

By the way, I have already booked my tickets to hell. It is seat 8H, first class of course, and it's a window seat. Care to join me? Tickets are going fast!


P.S.: As an FYI, the agency that offered me the job earlier this summer then rescinded? They just posted an ad for the same position. Hmp.

**P.P.S.: Please note that I love the gays. My issue with her is that she is more concerned with appearances than being true to herself, which makes her a miserable, self-hating gay who takes out her self loathing on everyone else. Her wedding was just for show, as is her persona at work.


Jadeny said...


just a kat said...

WOW!! About sidekick AND the job.
Are you going to reapply to that job? WTF are they doing, reposting it, when they had the best one and rescinded it!??!?!?!?


~Penny~ said...

Totally re-apply!!


"What? You don't get that funny feeling in your stomach when you kiss a girl?"


"Oh, just me? I must be a lesbian."

....snipet covo of a drunk sidekick!


**Liz** said...

I LOVE IT. That very well may be the best story ever. Very fetch lol

You need to reapply for that job.

Jatorade said...

REAPPLY!!!!! And then when they reoffer you the job you should screw them over!

tara said...

why is she fat?
p.s. it's too hot here for cocoa !

rage said...


That was a hot damn post!

Genevieve said...

hah! miserable blimp. she should deal with her issues so nobody else has to bear the brunt of them!

Anonymous said...

OMG....... wow.... I'll take that seat next to you because I was shocked and then I laughed at this. Craziness at it's best.

Unknown said...

haha I love it. Seriously that's just great! But yeah the whole thing with her gf being a trainer and her being fat just confuses me!!