I'll Tell You Your Future

Towards the end of 2006, Penny and I went to a psychic to see how our 2007’s would fare. Linda was on point with everything, but at 60 dollars a pop, she was just not a steady fiscal possibility, being that we both work in social services, and were looking to become homeowners.

Penny, being the crafty ho that she is, came to work just before Christmas with a gift for us. The Magic 8 Ball. Economically sound and just as on point as Linda. The Magic 8 Ball has not been wrong yet, and trust me, we have put it to the test! Except for the one error in co-signing that Penny was going to be fired, we have not doubted it at all.

Ok, so you can only ask yes or no questions, but it is better than basing your day around on the horoscope in the amNY newspaper, which is probably written by a 10 year old.

Time Flies...I Guess I'm Having Fun

With all that has been going onsince the last time I posted: between the Astronaut Love Triangle, Anna Nicole Smith drama and Britney shaving her head, I finally have time to sit down and update my 5 readers on what has been going in my life.

1. Finally, a seller has accepted my bid for an apartment, and we are in contract. 1000 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom with an eat-in kitchen. The complex has a pool, exercise and laundry rooms, and a parking space. It fell into my price range, so I jumped on it. Approximate closing date is April 2nd. I cannot wait.

2. Luckily, I began dating an architect (Dirty), which will help when I decide to renovate the apartment. He has already sketched me a model of how I want my kitchen to look. It helps when you can use the bartering system to get what you want. (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)

3. Things at work are pretty much the same, although it was nice and quiet since Sidekick went away for 3 weeks to get married and AssBoss was at another site. Penny and I worked well together and got props from AssBoss on how we managed the unit in their absence. Of course once Sidekick came back, she started the hateration cycle all over again, basically because Penny and I were able to show AssBoss that her (Sidekick’s) position is irrelevant.

So far that is all I got for you. I will get into details later about all three updates, I know you are all dying to know.


P.S.: For those of you who have difficulty making and sticking to decisions, get yourself a Magic 8 Ball. Works like a charm.

Miss Me Yet?

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about my blog; there has been a lot going on right now in my life, and I'll be posting an update in the next few days. 2007 may turn out to be a good year after all!

Let A Playa Play

The dating blog was a good idea in theory, but in practice, a little difficult, since I can barely keep up with this blog.

Therefore, to update you all of the boys that I have been dating, and in the tradition of reality shows such as Flavor of Love and I Love New York, I am posting a list of their nicknames, age, job, and some identifiable traits. It is also worth mentioning that it is awesome to be able to get ass on a regular basis again. I have split them into four groups: the good, the bad, the ambivalent, and those on deck.

The Good

Dirty- 32, architect: Don't let the nickname fool you, there is something about him that I am very attracted to. While you wouldn't pick him out off the street for being gorgeous, he is almost as smart as I am; and our conversations are total verbal foreplay. I also think it is cute that he stutters when he is nervous or excited about a topic.

Faux-32, accountant: Another smart guy. We also have good conversations as well. One negative about Faux: ex-girlfriend factor.

The Bad

Geek-34, bartender: Now we all know I love the geeks, except for this one. This guy has a degree in childhood education, but has been a bartender for the past 10 years at a bad chain restaurant. I am not judging his job; I am judging his lack of motivation to advance.

Wall St. - 29, broker: He totally misrepresented himself, starting with his height. He was maybe an inch taller than I was. You all know that I am short. The other main issue I had was that he was proud of the fact that he is a conservative Republican. Again, if you read this blog regularly, enough said.

The Ambivalent

Volvo-30, detective: We have a lot in common, in terms of familial similarities and personality, but there was no spark there.

On Deck

Fireman-30
Cop-29
Teacher-31
Pharmacist-29

New Year, New You

Just transferred the site to new Blogger. So far it has been a bit difficult to navigate, although that could just be my resistance to new things.

I am also on the fence as to whether or not I should change the template or leave it as is. Any opinions are welcome.

New Year’s Revelations

First off, I hope that everyone had a great holiday season and did everything that they wanted to this year.

Secondly, I would like thank most of my friends and family were very good about keeping to my gift list, except for my mother, who broke rule #1, by not consulting with my brother, which resulted in me getting 2 iPods and 0 North Face jackets. What will happen at this point is that when I get a chance to return one iPod, I will use the money for the jacket.

Now on to the good stuff:

I am feeling uncharacteristically optimistic about 2007, and it is a bit disconcerting. Usually I dread the New Year, because all I do is reflect back on the things that I have NOT accomplished during the year. For me, most of 2006 was crap…literally. Although I will say, I achieved many goals in the last 5 months of this year. Some goals may seem a bit meaningless, but consider the fact that at this time last year, I was sitting on a toilet for 22 out of 24 hours a day.

1. I started a blog.
2. I quit one job and got another.
3. I made some new friends: blog and real life.

So, instead of making only one all-encompassing resolution that I know I would break before the end of January, I decided to start a list at 43things.com (see it here) that I plan on working on throughout the year. If anyone has any suggestions on what else I should add, let me know.

Happy New Year!

Sometimes You Have Too Much Time On Your Hands

Here are two pictures that I have done Andy Warhol style. The first one is my Sloane cartoon, the second is a real picture of me, somehow missing the entire middle of my face. Oh well, they still look hot. They will be even hotter printed on photo paper and hung in frames on my wall. This is my holiday gift to myself.

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2006 Christmas List

Since all the haters* claim that I am spoiled (see here, here, and here for evidence), an accusation which I have never denied, I am posting my Christmas list. Moreover, because my birthday was extravagant, this list is minimal. See, I am all about equality.

1. The North Face Applique Nuptse jacket 700 down fill-Black: NYC Winters are really, really cold.










2. Thai Style Mortar and Pestle: An addition to my collection of kitchen gadgets; also can be used as a handy weapon, as it probably weighs as much as I go. P.S. Size does matter in this case, bigger = better.









3. ProductRED iPod Nano: It’s time I upgrade, and what better upgrade than to an iPod in my favorite color?












So… that’s it; I think split between my family, this is nothing. Not like a $500 GPS system that my sister wants.

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*I need to retire this word in favor of something newer, but it fits my purposes today.

Drips and Drabs

In an attempt to make our social service agency sound much more professional than it is, AssBoss and her Sidekick like to use proactive doubletalk that really means nothing to my logical, common sense brain. The straw that broke the camel’s back however, is the overuse of the phrase “Going Forward”. Fast forward to this morning; in my email, the following definition from Urban Dictionary*.

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I know that the past few posts have been sort of dismal, but I think that I am coming out of funk. It is the end-of year blues catching up with me. I guess it also doesn't help that every guy that I meet either has a girlfriend**, or gets a girlfriend, after I hook up with them.

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* Yes, I get the urban word of the day emailed to me…what of it? That’s why my slang game is so tight. I keep it real, yo.

**Obviously, I don't know about the girlfriend situation at the time, I find out after the fact. I don't like doing that. Although, lately, my thought is: If he doesn't care about his girlfriend, why should I? And yes, I have been cheated on in a relationship.

Depression is Anger on the Inside

Usually when I am in a funk, I avoid blogging because I don’t want to wallow in my own self pity like a pig in shit. However, it has come to my attention that it would be bad form to break down and cry on the subway surrounded by strangers. Therefore, I am writing about what is happening around me in hopes that it will make me feel a bit better. I feel like a spectator on my own life wondering why I am acting like such a baby about things beyond my control.

So here is my list of why I am depressed:

1. I lost another apartment that I bid on. That makes 2. I know that when it is meant to be, it will happen, but it is seriously aggravating me that I keep looking, and cannot find anything that I like. I hear people everyday saying that they have just purchased housing and feel like I am the odd-man out when it comes to the real estate game.

2. I have realized that a person that has been close to me for a long time is really a hater in disguise. At 30, I like to think that I have put all high school girl drama behind me, and can act like an adult in situations. This person has been secretly trying to hold me back in a variety of ways, most recently in a situation with a guy that I liked. I know that that statement makes me sound totally paranoid, but I am not the only one that has noticed this hateration. It is difficult to cut this person completely from my life, as I have done with other toxic people in the past, so I need to really develop a plan of action as to how to handle further contact.

3.AssBoss has been on a rampage lately, including ripping me and OM a new asshole for our inappropriate and unprofessional behavior. OM wrote it better here, so you can read the whole drama unfold.

So by now, you must be thinking that I need to stop crying like a little bitch, sack up and take it like a man. Oh, I plan to. This is how:

1. If you clicked on the link above and haven’t realized by now that OM and Penny are one in the same, I’m worried for your deductive reasoning skills. We are in process of developing a new blog about our idating experiences, so this should take up some free time. If there are any guys out there that would be interested in meeting us for our experiment, email us a description of yourself at canagirlgetadate@gmail.com .You can also visit our blog at http://canagirlgetadate.blogspot.com/ .

2. Playing loud, angry rap music is the cure-all to my issues. In the illustrious words of Jadakiss and DMX respectively, “Fuck the frail shit” and “Talk is cheap, mother-fucker”.

'Tis The Season

Well, the holiday season has begun, and with that, after spending much time catching up with family and friends, the inevitable questions about my single status have begun. Luckily, with my medical issues I have gotten a reprieve until now, so I cannot in good conscience complain too loudly. Nevertheless, something about the holiday season brings out all the wannabe matchmakers looking to hook two people up before the New Year.

Now that I have hit the big 3-0, the obsession with my marital status (or lack thereof) has reached a fevered pitch with all of my married friends (who probably just want me to get married so I can be as miserable as they are), and family members (who are just nosy mothereffer’s anyway). Oh yes, you know what’s coming next.

To take a stand, and in some subconscious way to get our families off our back, my last single friend (we’ll call her Penny) and I have just signed up at a few internet dating sites, and have decided to write about our escapades and uncover, with evidence, what kind of guys are really out there. The sites and names of our dates will of course remain top secret, but suffice to say that with a little internet savvy, it should be no problem to guess what they are.

Before I get a ton of hate mail railing on how this is not fair to the guys, I would like to say that we are taking this totally seriously. We have been completely honest in our profiles about what we are looking for and hope that the guys that we deal with have been honest in theirs. Besides, it has got to be better than hearing Aunt Gertie claim she knows the “perfect” guy for me.

The Things I Am Most Thankful For

2006 Edition

I am thankful that I am no longer ill, am off medication and no longer under medical supervision.

I am thankful that I am working again and that my brain is functioning at high speeds once again.

I am thankful that I had a really great 30th birthday, complete with surprises thanks to my family and friends.

I am thankful that the computer geek at work hooked up my computer so when I plug my iPod in I can play hip-hop music, especially Jay-Z’s Black album, which pisses my AssDirector off.

I am thankful that I finally found the perfect pair of brown high boots, after literally searching for YEARS.

I am thankful for all of the new people that I have met this year and have become friends with. That includes you other bloggers out there. ;)

I am thankful that the trailer for the 5th Harry Potter movie has come out… and looks really good. The release date for the movie is 07/15/07, and that the rumored release date for the 7th Harry Potter book is 07/07/07. July 2007 is all about HP.

I am thankful that the easy listening station has been playing “Last Christmas” by Wham. In my opinion, this is the best holiday song ever.

Of course, I am also thankful for my family and friends, who need mental help sometimes when dealing with me, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Happy Thanksgiving.


P.S.: The only thing I am not thankful for is that I have to work on Friday. I will have the whole office to myself, with only 2 staff, so I guess it could be worse. The agency could have mandated another staff development day. :(

Rant of the Day

If there is one thing that I have serious issues with, it is when people don’t tell the entire truth under the guise of “sparing my feelings”. I would rather find out the whole story at first, and deal with that hurt, rather than hear a fictional account and find out the truth at a later time.

To make a long, ridiculous story short and anonymous: An acquaintance became interested in one of the guys that I have been talking to. Since there is nothing serious between us, I think it is a non-issue, but she wouldn’t tell me the truth; that she asked him out on a date. I found out later, and when I asked her, she STILL wouldn’t tell me the truth about it. She claims that she is trying to spare my feelings about this “triangle”.

Honestly, there is no triangle. He and I don’t like each other like that. Obviously she is interested in him, and since he is a grown man, and I don’t own him, he can make his own decisions about who he wants to date. I also like to think that I am mature enough to deal with adult situations…meaning that I don’t sit around and cry like a little bitch when things don’t go my way.

I really hate being involved in girl drama, especially when I really couldn’t care any less than I already do.

When the Shit Hits the Fan...

Everyone gets dirty. The past two weeks have been the most stressful of my entire life. I had to participate in the termination of two employees. I am not good at firing people. I’m sure I was more emotional about both situations than the employees concerned.

The first employee was fired due to sexual harassment. He was working with us for about a month. Office Mate was his direct supervisor, and we all thought he was a good worker. Apparently, during all this time, he was sending sexually explicit notes anonymously to the administrative assistant in our unit. The NYPD was contacted and did an investigation about the notes and found that he wrote them. Most of the things written on those notes were serial killer creepy. Needless to say, it was not a pleasant experience for everyone involved, especially the admin.

Compared to the first, the second firing was a breeze. The employee was caught falsifying documentation, including her credentials and time card. Don’t ask me how someone can forge a diploma, or why they would go through all that work to risk getting caught and losing everything.

So now it is up to OM and I to hire two more people for these positions, hopefully neither candidate comes with a rap sheet.

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Lately, while commuting to work in the morning, I have noticed an increase of PDA on the trains. Let’s keep that stuff where it belongs…in the darkness of a bar, up against the jukebox with a stranger. That's where I do it. Oh, who am I kidding, I’m just salty because it is not me getting any in the morning.

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I am still on the apartment hunt. The apartment I mentioned in a previous post was sold before I had a chance to place a bid on it. I guess it was for a good reason, but I loved, loved, loved the water view. I am hoping that another apartment in that building becomes available soon, or that I can find something else to my liking.

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My dress down Friday plan was almost thwarted by my AssBoss; but I am too wily for her. Last Friday was another staff development day, so I wore a pair of khakis. Not too bad. This Friday, cargo pants and a long sleeved t-shirt.

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I have posted a picture of the offensive Crocs that my sister owns here. The picture was taken with my cell phone camera during a stealth mission. I think my second career should be as a spy!

Don't Hate Me Because...

I'm sure there are a myriad of things that I could be hated for, but being female? I didn't think that I could be hated on for that, but I have been proved wrong.

The scenario:

I'm standing on line to order my lunch. The guy in front of me orders this grilled chicken hero with assorted accoutrements. I order a grilled cheese sandwich on whole wheat. Can you explain to me why his sandwich was $ 3.00 and mine was $ 4.95? And don't give me any BS about lunch specials either; I work in SoHo, they don't believe in that around here. I don't care about the money, but when I questioned the woman, she couldn't give me a response as to why the chicken sandwich was less money than 2 slices of whole wheat slapped with a few slices of cheese.

Was the bread freshly baked with hand-ground wheat grown on premesis? NO. Was the cheese freshly made from free range cows grazing on Varick Street? NO.

Please, can someone explain this logic to me. I have no problem paying for food, provided it is warranted. A grilled cheese sandwich is not haute cuisine. There is no celebrity chef behind the scenes using rare ingredients. So why? It all comes down to penis (doesn't it always?). I don't have one, he did. Sandwich lady was all flirty flirty with him, while I got the rainy day attitude. Therefore, I will not be frequenting that lunch place any longer, which sucks because their soups are really good.


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P.S.: I am officially declaring that my hair is my #1 nemesis. After years of begging and pleading with it to work with me, I have given up. Like Milli Vanilli sang all those years ago, "Blame it on the Rain... yeah, yeah".

Don't Call 911 For Me...

OK, so I wasn’t able to claim that my spleen exploded and that I needed to leave early and leave the torture of this training day. This is where I have an ethical dilemma. On one hand, as a manager, I need to make sure that my unit is complying with all of the regulations established by our funding agencies and NYS. On the other hand, I really hate to micromanage my staff, because I don’t like to be micromanaged.

At today’s training, OM and I needed to present and explain a new procedure in our assessment process. I think that this new procedure is BS, and not going to work long-term; and mentioned my thoughts in the preliminary development meeting, and was shot down by the Assistant Director of the program and told to be more of a “team player”. (Who, by the way, only has a Bachelor’s degree and is supervising people with higher degrees than her. It’s really not about what you know, but who you know).

Fast forward to today’s meeting when the staff is all complaining that the changes are irrelevant to the assessment phase and implementing them would really be out of their job description. What is a “team playing” middle manager to do? Blame it on the collective “they”. As in:

“They” want us to do this.
“They” decided that this would be more cost-effective.
“They” think you all could do a better job.

What I really felt like saying was:

The crazy AssDirector who is trying to impress her new boss, is coming up with these maniacal ideas that make no sense to what our program does, in order to make a name for herself so that she can get the promotion she was passed over by her bosses’ predecessor.

I’m saving that gem for when I really need it; I can’t show my hand this early in the game. I’ll save it for when I get into trouble for dressing down on Fridays.

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P.S.: I don't know what is wrong with my Google Reader; I am not getting the updates for the blogs I subscribe to. This means that I have to go to each one individually, which I am not down with. I'm all about one-stop shopping aka I'm lazy. :(

What Does a Girl Have To Do To Get A Day Off Around Here?

Because the agency that I work for is a bit wrong, we do not have Election Day or Veteran’s Day off. Our funding source is closed, but that means that we get two days of my most favorite thing…Staff Development! Less than 6 months on the job, I’ve already participated in 3 developmental/bonding days and have another 4 scheduled before the end of the year. WooHoo!

Seriously. One of the downside of being a manager is that I can’t outwardly show my contempt for these inane team building exercises and trainings. I am on a break right now and am trying to figure out what type of illness I can claim to allow me to leave early.

To be continued......



P.S.: Vote, Vote, Vote!

I’m Good Enough, I’m Smart Enough and Gosh Darn It, People Like Me!

This post is a compilation of everything that has been in my head lately. I know that my posts have been sort of lacking lately, but… I’m back bitches!

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I don’t think of myself as high maintenance, more like no maintenance; however I do expect a certain level of propriety during the following situations:

Subway Riding: All NY’ers know about the courtesy seat left between riders on the subway. If the train car is empty, there is no need to sit next to someone. You are supposed to skip a seat. Why is it then when I have the good fortune of being in an otherwise empty car, I always get someone coming to sit right next to me? I know I look unthreatening next to a bunch of teens making noise, but seriously… save some room for the Holy Spirit; my fat ass needs its own space.
Restroom Usage: Maybe I’m sensitive because of my own past issues in this department, but in public bathrooms, when you are dropping a bomb, please be aware that you need to flush the toilet during the act so that the entire bathroom and hallway outside the bathroom doesn’t smell like the gutter behind our office building.
Morning Behavior: I usually don’t speak in the morning, in fact, I mostly present with a surly demeanor and a scowl on my face. Although, when someone says “good morning” to me, I respond in kind, at the very least acknowledge it with a head nod or something. I’m not trying to have a long drawn-out conversation with you before 9am. So then tell me why when I go out of my way in the morning to say “good morning” to someone, I don’t get the same return courtesy? Yes, I’m looking at you cute book boy from the coffee shop. Be nice…it’s free.

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This past week at work has been a bit stressful. It’s a long story; here is the Cliff’s Notes version (with my comments in parentheses).

[Story Removed]

I actually had to referee a showdown between members of the staff. My whole thought process can be summed up by this:

Personal business does not belong at work. We are not animals; we don’t shit where we eat.

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My agency does not have a dress down Friday policy. I do not recognize this; we work in social service, we should dress down all the time. In the time that I’ve been working here, in my own little rebellious way, I’ve been dressing down and waiting to see how far I can go before I get into trouble. Today’s outfit is brown corduroys and a button-down white shirt from Old Navy.

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As an update...

I am saddened to report that my sister has gone out and bought a pair of Crocs. I know. That's why I'm looking for a new place to live.

Happy Halloween!

I couldn't decide which picture to use, so I chose both. Try not to eat too much candy, and be safe in your reveling.

What Do You Look Like Again?

In order to allow my liver to regenerate a bit since I have been on an alcoholic liquid diet for the past two weeks, I took this weekend off. It was so nice to lie all snuggled in my bed on Saturday listening to the wind and rain and not have to be out in the bad weather running errands or having to wrangle my hair into an acceptable style and put an outfit together.

During my lie-in, while on the phone with a friend, I finally admitted to something that has plagued me for many years. I don’t remember what people look like. I know that sounds weird, but keep reading and you will learn even more about my deep, dark secret. I never said I was normal, and I know that my issue is more widespread than just me. There was a Sex and the City episode about it when Carrie meets Berger.

Whenever I meet someone new (usually a guy), I never remember what they look like. This tends to hinder me, especially if I go to the same places often (which I do and as an aside, I have also realized that I need to frequent different bars; i.e. not only those that are named after the streets that they are located on although for convenience they can’t be beat.), guys think I am being unfriendly or arrogant (aka bitchy) when I don’t say hello, or speak to them when it really is that I don’t remember what they look like. I’ll remember the conversation just fine, and some details of the person, but couldn’t pick them out of lineup.

By the way, this has nothing to do with alcohol. Basically this all stems from insecurity. Trust me; I have worked this out for a long time. When I am introduced to someone, I feel that I am unremarkable and guys won’t remember me, so I block what they look like out of my mind. Sounds good, right?

More than likely, though, it’s probably because on a subconscious level, I am not interested in what these dudes have to say; and forgetting what they look like is my minds’ way to tell me to move it along. I know that that sounds really rude, but it is the truth… so I guess what I wrote in the previous paragraphs is really true. I am a rude, arrogant bitch. Oh well, at least I think I'm cute, when my hair works with me. (: P)


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P.S.: I think I have found an apartment with my name all over it. It is 1300 square feet; with 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a terrace off the kitchen that has a water view and a parking space in the garage. The building also has a pool, tennis court, gym facilities and a roof deck. Obviously it is not in Manhattan, because for the price it is listed for I would be lucky to get an oversized closet on the 9th floor in a 10 floor walkup.

P.P.S.: I'm planning my March vacation to Curacao, which I hope will not be overrun with Spring Breakers and parasites. I've already explained my luck with parasites. One of these days I'll tell you about my luck with boy Spring Breakers...long, long, long after graduation.

Pre-Mid-Life Crisis

What exactly are the qualifications to claim a mid life crisis? Is there a specific age or behavior that classifies one’s actions as mid-life crisis? I think I am having one; so instead of looking to buy a sports car, I started looking at apartments to buy. My goal is to be in a new place by the spring. Springtime=rebirth. Clever, no?

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I keep getting emails in my work mailbox about improving my sex-life.

The most recent email:

Good afternoon: Would you like to have stronger ejaculation?
See our offer: http://barraildcom/gal/gsm/
Surely you only dream of it. Now it’s possible to do with magic tab
Use this tab regularly and you’ll have the best Buy it now – and this night will be the best in your life

Even my junk mail knows I am not getting any; and mocking me for it.

P.S.: Last time I checked, I still didn’t have a penis.

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Lately, all the books I have been reading have been coming-of -age tales. These three books were my favorite of the bunch. By the way, these are all easy reads, and I guarantee that you all will be able to relate to the characters.

Mister Posterior and the Genius Child by Emily Jenkins

Bad Haircut: Stories of the Seventies by Tom Perrotta

King Dork by Frank Portman

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This recent comment sums up my last post about denim skirts with leggings and slouchy boots, and says it better than I could have; therefore I have nothing else to say on the subject. Thanks Eve.

It looks allright on 8 year old girls but if you're out of middle school:
please don't wear it!

Leggings don't look good on anyone and skirts are awesome but they should be worn with decent shoes (w/killer heels) and not with slouchy boots!

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ETA:

I've finally gotten my shit together and added some links to the sidebar. In the interest of fairness, they are in alphabetical order. I don't play favorites, I love all my blogs equally. Except for my sister. She'd kick my ass if she wasn't first on the list.

Don't Think I've Forgotten...

about needing to discuss the "new" trend of wearing cropped leggings underneath a denim skirt with slouchy boots.

Topic: It is currently 2006, not 1986. There is a reason why 80's fashion should stay in the 80's. It's UGLY!!

Discuss.

Croc of Bull

I have never claimed to be a fashionista; more than anything I am a comfortista, meaning that I dress for comfort and function rather than style. That being said, I usually keep up with the trends only to participate in them when the novelty and trendiness has worn off.

The one trend that I have difficulty buying into, let alone desire in participating in is the Croc trend. I see them everywhere in Manhattan, and hipper parts of Queens and Brooklyn, (I don’t mess with the Bronx), but cannot get into the spirit of them. I think they are the ugliest shoes in the world with their rainbow palette of colors and plastic appearance.

Now, don’t get me wrong; I understand the purpose behind the shoe. Originally developed for service fields; i.e. doctors and chefs, who work on their feet for long hours, they have been co-opted by people who think that they look cute and whimsical. The real issue that I have with these “shoes” is that they have infiltrated the professional world. Excuse me, but if you expect me to take you seriously in a meeting, wearing bright lime green clog type shoes with a business suit is not the way to go about that.

If this trend has not hit your area yet, be thankful. No one that I know currently owns a pair, although my sister has been talking about buying a pair. That’s when I will have to disavow any knowledge of her, which will be hard to do since we live together and she does my laundry.

Wow, Your Hair Is So Sparkly

As if I didn’t have enough of a complex about the unruliness and uncooperativeness (is that even a word?) of my hair, while in the bathroom at a restaurant, some girl came up to me and commented on the “sparkliness” of my hair. It took me a minute to realize what she was talking about. Once I did, I turned around and told her that I get the silver highlights put in specially.

I know I have gray hairs. I prefer to ignore them; and hope they go away; therefore, I do not need some drunk and/or high female in a public bathroom to point them out to me.

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I added a new function to this blog: e-mail subscription. The sign-up box is found in the sidebar. Now you should have no excuse for not keeping up with all my trials and tribulations.

Is Someone Trying To Tell Me Something?

It's Friday, and I come into work a little hungover. Me and Office Mate in various states of consciousness come back from lunch, and find the following two emails in our inboxes.

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-----Original Message-----
From: Xxxxxxx [mailto:Xxxxxxx @ xxxxxx.xxx]
Sent: Friday, October 13, 2006 12:41 PM
To: XxXxxxx, Xxxxx
Subject: We will get you the results you need


Buy it now ? and this night will be the best in your life It?s the best thing you had ever seen! It starts great but you feel like finishing within very first minutes? This is a common thing.

Don?t be afraid
http://utexaloci.com/gal/vm/
Confidence and affection of your partner are the greatest things you get.



-----Original Message-----
From: XXxxxx [mailto:XxxxXxxxxxxxxx@xxxxx.xx.xx]
Sent: Friday, October 13, 2006 12:41 PM
To: XxXxxxx, Xxxxx
Subject: And the results will impress your girl

Enjoy multi-orgasms using this powerful thing
It will be great We all hate her saying her previous partner did not finish that soon.
Don't trust me? http://uindasho.com/gal/vm/
She just won't be able to leave you at all! Be her number one forever! You'll have a huge crush on each other again.

************************************

Yeah, that's what I said.

Act Now…Supplies Are Limited!

Is anyone interested in buying some certified pre-owned pimples? They brand new; and I am willing to part with them for a small fee. I’ll let them go for 2 dollars each, 3 for five. If you act now, within the next 6 hours, I will throw in the fourth free.

I thought that once you left puberty behind, zits would be a non-issue. Obviously I was wrong. I woke up this morning and looked in the mirror to see these growths that sprouted overnight. The biggest is right on my cheek, close to the bottom rim of my glasses. It is so big that I can’t wear my glasses because they touch. Another one is on the left side of my face underneath my ear, and don’t forget the twins on the jaw on my left side. The thing about these zits are that they are painful; I mistakenly scratched my cheek forgetting that I had one there, and I felt like my cheek was engulfed in flames.

I guess if I get bored today at work, instead of falling asleep, I can play connect the dots.

Press Fast Forward

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m moving in slow motion. I don’t know if it is because of the change in weather, or my old age catching up with me, but I am having a really hard time getting out of bed in the morning. The past 2 days have seen me fall asleep at work. Should I be concerned that I have become narcoleptic?

Although, thanks to the change in the weather, my favorite article of clothing for men has resurfaced! I am talking about the pullover sweater-vest. If you had doubts about my nerdiness before, I am sure that I just cemented my position by announcing my love of that article of clothing. I think that it is the only clothing item that looks good on every single guy, and wearing one is the best way to avoid a chest cold, while not getting overheated. Mmmm…glasses and a sweater vest. No better combination in the world. Add left-handedness and I think I’m in love.

Staff Development Day aka I Should Have Stayed in Bed

Am I the only one in NYC at work today? The trains were empty this morning, as I traveled to a meeting held at Cooper Union. We should have had the day off, since our funding source was closed, but the agency decided to hold a Staff Development Day. Most social service agencies have development days to introduce a new program or training. My agency uses development days to tell you about everything that has been going wrong, and how they are going to fix it.

The meeting was over at 11:30 am, and I thought that I would get the opportunity to go home afterwards, and celebrate the rest of Columbus Day by sleeping on my couch; but found out that my boss had scheduled another meeting for 3pm! WTF!?! So, I had to head to my office after the obligatory “networking” lunch with staff from another facility. We were supposed to use the time between meetings to meet with our staff to go over some of their difficult cases. I used the time to take a nice nap.

My boss is a really bad meeting scheduler. We have a standing supervisors meeting every Friday at 4pm; which is the absolute worst time to hold any kind of meeting. She apparently never gotten the memo that MY workweek ends at 3pm on Friday. She’ll learn.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

My sister, OCT-LIBRA is 27 today. Join me in wishing her a happy birthday! Because Oct's got big time showbiz connections, we are going out for dinner to Bar Americain.

I Call Shenanigans!

I love my job, I do, but I met a client today that almost made me change my mind. She was applying for an exemption from employment. Normally the process is a quick one; a few quick assessments and they get approved based on an existing physical or mental disability. She tried to cheat during the assessments, and wanted to give me money so that I would approve her exemption on the basis that she developed a learning disability because of the hardship in her life.

This woman applied for public assistance (welfare) after being released from a VERY expensive spa (rehab) in Connecticut. As a condition of her release, she needed to get involved in both vocational and educational activities. She enrolled in a “TV college” (a school that is advertised on commercials during Maury and Jerry) for Fashion Merchandising, and she has the nerve to sit in front of me and complain that her program wants her to go to school AND work. At the same time! This woman is in her mid 30’s and has never had a job in her entire life

To add insult to injury, she then went on to mention that she is not even paying for her classes; that the Department of Education Disability Services is paying for her training because she knows someone who works there and who put her paperwork through. As she is going on and on about her poor-me life, my office mate and I looked at each other like “WTF is this bitch complaining for?”

After listening to her whine for about 20 minutes, my office-mate escorted her out of the office before I could tell her to be grateful that she wasn’t sent to jail after she got into a car accident while she was high and that she was lucky she knew people that wanted to help her by faking documents.

I wish I would have known these tricks when I was going to graduate school and working full-time. I could have claimed I developed a learning disability from the hardship in my life...my height. I was so stupid back then; standing in the bursars office on my tip-toes writing personal checks to pay my tuition. ;)