Six Pair of Kicks is MY Definition of Twelve Steps

For the past few weeks, Dirty and I have been having a rough time with each other. I guess we are having our one year massive blow out fight. I feel a little better about where we are at now, but know that we still need to work on ourselves separately and together.

I want to be happy in all aspects of my life, especially in my relationships. I know that I am a work in progress and need to maintain my self-esteem and self- worth during hard times. I have made the decision that I need to take time for myself, and kind of put my relationship second. We are not breaking up; I love Dirty a lot, but I have decided that I love myself more. Focusing solely on the relationship and where it is going has made me get a little crazy and overly dramatic.

I realize that we have been together a little over 1 year, which, for me, is not that long of a time to make a life changing decision. I think (thanks Penny), that once I decided that Dirty was the right one for me, and that marriage wouldn't be such a bad thing, I freaked out. I expected a ring right away, and was disappointed when it didn't happen. We talked so much about our future, I wanted our future to start right away. I know now that I am NOT ready for that. I think that we became too comfortable with falling into a routine and being complacent with it.

Dirty and I decided that we need to communicate in the moment and not allow resentments to fester between us. We are also going to stop spending so much time together. Missing each other is good for us and will make it more special when we do spend time together. I know that Dirty is the one, and he told me the same this past week. I really have moved into a better mind space, and I am not so worried about the future. As corny as it sounds, I know it will all work out in the end.

P.S.: T is back from PR and still in limbo about her boy. More details coming.

P.P.S: The title comes for the Jay-Z remix of Amy Winehouse's Rehab. Listened to it a lot this week. It's a hot song. Download it.

Trouble in Paradise??

Just got a text from T, who is currently in Puerto Rico. She landed at about 10:30am. It is now almost 5pm. And I quote:

Ok Ladies,

There is no shot this is going to last. Well I tried. Thanks
for all your love and support in this matter. See ya Tuesday.
xoxoxoxo T.

Say it with me... I told you so. I feel so much better getting it out of my system. Have a great long weekend all.

3rd Round TKO

I really feel beat down by stress lately. With all of the shit (no pun intended) that is going down with the crackies, compounded by work bs and personal bs, I feel like running away, and avoiding all my stressors.

Saturday the maintenance crew came to fix my bathroom. Wouldn't you know that the second they got there, I got explosive diarrhea? TMI, I know. I had to call my mom to come pick me up, because I didn't want to reschedule these jokers to fix my bathroom. I was so pissed. Thank goodness Dirty was able to stay and supervise those guys or else I would still be staring at a massive hole. Oh sure, he bitched and moaned about it, but really he did nothing but drink beer and play his PSP, so he had a good day.

I really don't know what is happening with my relationship with Dirty. I feel so apathetic about everything now. We talk about getting married, buying a house and future plans, but that is all that it is. Just talk. I just want to settle some things in my life now. I hate living in 2 places, I hate that I have to buy 2 sets of everything, so that when I stay over his house I can feel comfortable. Most of all, I hate that he doesn't get how difficult it is for me to live such an unorganized life. He's fine. Always. There are bigger issues here, namely that he wants his mother to live with us (post for another day), that I really don't feel have been worked out between us, and I don't know if they will be.

Work sucks as usual. I really want out, but 4 weeks vacation is hard to come by in this business. Honestly, I only do about 3 full days work during the week. I don't take work home, my job is really easy. Comfortable. If my boss wasn't such a pain in my ass, I would love my job.

So that's where my head is at right now. I just want to go home alone and make some macaroni and cheese with hot dogs and curl up on my couch in my PJ's. The End.

A Little Story

So most of you remember my hater friend T? If not, go here for a refresher. Anyway, I am going to tell you the story of T and her new friend B.

Once upon a time, there were two friends that lived next door to each other T and B. They did everything together. One day when it was T's 8th birthday, all she wanted was a Rubik's Cube. B stole his brother's Rubik's Cube and gave it to T. When B's parents found out, they made B go get it back. Fast forward a few years and T moves away. B is heartbroken. Fast forward a lot more years and B finds T on classmates.com. They start talking and made plans to go out to dinner. Within the week that they were talking he went to Toys R US and bought her her own Rubik's Cube. Cute story, right?

Here is the strange part. They have been hanging out for about 2 weeks now. They have already booked a trip to Puerto Rico together, leaving next week. They have picked out her engagement ring and named their future children, and have gone house hunting together. I feel like she is going super fast through the process and will wind up being hurt. Am I being a hater here? I am very supportive of her to her face, but I am screaming in my head that this is a bad thing. I've met him, and I kind of get a creepy stalker vibe from him. She is happy and I don't want to rain on her parade, but I'm wary. The biggest red flag that I get from her is that he really doesn't want to get to know her... and by that I mean that he is already fallen into the comfortable routine that couples get into when they are together a long time; they have only been dating less than ONE MONTH!!

How should I handle this? I need your help!

Come On People... How Cute is She??

Look at how smart my niece is at only 5 months old. Reading already! She takes after her awesome aunt.

Couldn't you just eat her up... but in a good way?

ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

Did you ever have one of those days where everything goes wrong? I am having months like that.

Let me not even start about the bathroom. I swear that I am so angry that I could spit. Ok, I'll tell. The latest news is that Patty has started the eviction process with them. The kicker... I can't get my bathroom ceiling fixed until they get fully evicted. It is considered evidence. I am so frustrated right now, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry.

Work sucks as usual, and since I have been taking off a lot of time to deal with this bullshit bathroom issue, I have practically exhausted all of my vacation time. So no summer vacay for Sloane.

So I seriously need to win the lottery or find a sugar daddy (or momma, at this point I am not being choosy), and buy a nice crib away from all crack infested people. Pray for me!

No Ceilings Allowed!

For the past month I have been living with this in my bathroom:

That is the hole in my ceiling where the maintenance people were trying to figure out where the leak was coming from. This is the medicine cabinet and light fixture that gets the brunt of it. P.S.: I am not that big of a slob, those dust crumbs are from the hole.

Fast forward to today when I come home from jury duty to this:

Yes, ladies and gentleman, that is crackie infested water all on my medicine cabinet. The best part? That it seeps inside the hinges so that all of my stuff inside is tainted.

No that is not the new hot decorating trend, that is nasty water ripples. Picture those full of water that I have to pop.

You can't really tell, but I caught this one in motion. Leaking motion. Jealous?

****************************************

So currently I hate my management company and am trying to screw them by purchasing the most expensive fixtures that are available for my bathroom. Please pray along with me:

Dear Lord, Jesus and whoever else is up there:

Please let the crackies move out and back into the projects where they belong, so that I can have my nice, beautiful bathroom sanctuary back. I promise that I will not talk bad about anyone else for the duration of my time living in this apartment*. Thank you. Amen.

P.S.: You really didn't think that I could go longer than that did you?

SAVE THE TA-TA's!!

I had a pretty eventful weekend. Friday I met my personal trainer, who as I mentioned before, is huge; like 7 foot tall and like 4000 pounds. Ok, I exaggerate a little, but compared to me at all of 5 foot nothing, he is a tall drink of water. I told him my issues and what I want to work on, and get this... he wants me to work out 5 days a week. Umm, yeah. The whole reason that I don't already exercise is because it takes away my precious couch time, so let's just say that this will be a huge adjustment for me.

Saturday I did the 5K Revlon Run/Walk for Breast Cancer with my family and friends in support and memory of all the people we know affected by breast cancer. It was a pretty fun day, except for the cloudy cold weather. Can I just say that another reason why I love NYC is that it is an amazing thing to see almost 50 thousand people gather for a great cause and to speak with some of the women who have survived this heinous disease. We walked from Times Square up Broadway to the East Meadow in Central Park. The best part of my day was seeing this woman named Nilda who was carrying a homemade sign that said "I am walking in support of myself... I am not ready to be a memory yet". Can I tell you I was crying like a little bitch after I saw that. I had to talk to this woman who was so determined to beat this disease and had so much faith that she would. We spent part of the time walking together and I watched so many survivors come up to her and thank her for the sign she made. Her whole family was there supporting her by walking with her and she told me that they raised almost 60 grand for the cause. She is truly an amazing woman, and was a real inspiration to me. By the way, go to savethetatas.com and buy some cute stuff.. They also donate a portion of each sale for Breast Cancer research.

Sunday was my parent's 34 wedding anniversary. All I can say is that 34 years is a LONG time to be with someone. Saw my niece. She is an awesome baby. So aware. She only cries when she has a full diaper. I can't wait until she gets a little older so we can do bonding time together.

Monday, I will be all up in the the Supreme Court of NYC doing my civic duty by being Juror #4. Hopefully I will see some cute lawyers milling around. Hey, a girl needs her eye candy. Besides just because I am taken, doesn't mean I am blind.

Peace out.


P.S.: Dirty went to visit his douchebag friend this weekend. Apparently db took him to a strip club. I was playing the role of good girlfriend and not calling every 5 minutes to check up on him. Imagine my surprise when I get a call at 12am telling me he was leaving db at the club and he was going home because he hated having old, smelly crotch in his face, (He was a bit more vulgar, but this is a family show), and that he missed me a lot. I have trained him well. He will get a bonus in his envelope this week. :)