Can't Make It Up

This story has to make you laugh, it did for me and considering the mood that I have been in, it was really welcomed.

Yesterday there was a client in the waiting room during lunch. I got called from the security guard on duty that one of our clients was being unsanitary. We have a lot of homeless clients and clients for whom personal hygiene is not on their to do list, so I didn't think anything of it. I go out into the waiting room to talk to the security guard. He points out the client who has his hands down his pants and he is without a doubt jerking off.

I look at the MALE security guard and ask him why he did not approach the client and tell him to stop. He told me that he didn't want anyone to think he was gay. DEAD ASS SERIOUS. Um, dude, I hate to break it to you, but that's kind of your JOB!!!! Let alone the fact that if anything really went down, the rent a cops would run away faster than the people they are trying to protect. But I digress.

I made the security guard go and tell the guy to stop, and escort him from the building. He started causing a scene, screaming that he was homeless and just out of prison, blah, blah, blah. At this point his pants fell down and he was stumbling around in his stained tighty- whiteys. So gross...but I couldn't stop laughing.

I called the police and when they came, they arrested him for indecent exposure. The funniest part of this whole situation? The officer's name.

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Officer Hand.

Funny right? No, just me then? OK.

Growth Sucks!

For the last few weeks, I have been feeling a little depressed. I've been trying to pinpoint the cause, but have come up empty handed. I think that everything is catching up with me and I can't shake it off. I always feel like I am on the verge of tears and any little thing can set me off. I just want to lay in my bed and cry.

If I really put my mind to it, I have figured that it started with the job that I lost. Not to rehash it, but I felt so confident when I was offered that position. I don't think that I have gotten over the rejection of that yet, coupled with the fact that I still have to stay here in hell indefinitely.

The whole marriage situation feels like a lost cause lately. Since Dirty lost his job, this is not on the table, but I can't help but think that this is just another convenient excuse for him to stall. Since we started talking about getting married, there have always been little excuses here and there about why we need to wait. Bullshit things, that to me are irrelevant. He wants to pass his licensing exam, he wants to buy me a massive ring, blah, blah, blah. I just want a commitment on his part and he won't give it to me. I ask for a time frame, and he doesn't have one. I don't want to be the girl that throws an ultimatum on the table, because I feel like if he wants to marry me, he needs to do it on his own. My fear is that I am going to be stuck waiting, with no payoff at the end. These are all things that we have discussed, and I feel like I can only be so patient. BTW, it sucks to feel like this.

Let me not even get into the biggest regret that I have; which is my apartment. I really hate the co-op board. I don't know if it is just me, but since the bathroom ceiling fiasco, everything else has systematically gone down hill. My intercom doesn't work, and they have changed the repair date 4 times. I keep telling Patty that I work and she needs to call my cell phone to notify me, but she only does that when I need to pay some bullshit new charge that she makes up. I have been on the waiting list for parking for 1 year, meanwhile there are 4 spots that are empty, that I can see from my kitchen window. The crackies upstairs are not getting evicted. They provided medical documentation that the old woman that lives up there is bed-ridden and can't move. So they sleep all day, and are up all night moving furniture. HATE!

Wow, it feels good to get that off my chest. I am going away this weekend, so hopefully I will be able to start the fall with a better outlook. Now I need to go take an Aleve, so I can call the trick in the maintenance office to schedule another appointment.

Peace.

hi

Wednesday Weirdness #17

Taking a break from all of the crazy thoughts in my head, here are my answers to Wednesday Weirdness. Go here to play.

1.) You just bought a snazzy new leather jacket for an awesome price at the local outlet shop. When you got it home you found $2000 (cash) in the jacket's inner pocket. What are you going to do?

Is this a real question? Of course I would keep it. I work in social service. That's enough said.

2.) If you could change or eliminate one wedding tradition, what would it be? What is your favorite wedding tradition?

I really think the whole bouquet/garter toss is kind of dumb. Has anyone ever gotten married after catching the bouquet? I think not. I like the father/daughter dance. My dad is awesome and he would love to dance to some old school Italian song with me at my wedding.

3.)If you were on Gilligan’s Island, who would you want to share your hut with? Who would you consider it torture to have to share a hut with?

Totally the Professor, he was hot in a nerdy kind of way. I have a t-shirt that says I Love Geeks. I would hate to be with anyone else on that show. They all annoyed me.

4.) Have you ever called your current significant other by another name at any point? What happened?

Never, although he called me by another name once. Let's just say he had to work really HARD to make it up to me. Ha Ha.

5.) If you were going to be famous under a stage name, what would you pick your stage name to be? Why? What do you want to be famous doing?

I want to be famous under my name. If I had to pick one, I like Sloane. No last name. I would like to be a famous traveler or chef. Like Tony Bourdain.

6.) During sex, do you ever fantasize about someone other than your partner?

Not usually, unless we are doing some crazy role playing.

7.) Which is worse, being in a place that is too loud, or too quiet?

Too loud. Enjoy the Silence.

Um, Baby Fever?

This post has no real grammatical value. They are just a bunch of sentences in my head that I need to get out. If you have over a 1st grade reading level, you'll get the jist.

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Lately I have this feeling that something is missing for me. I've tried to articulate my feelings, but nothing ever comes out sounding logical. The one thing that I have noticed that is hitting me in the gut a little is that the majority of my friends are married, with most of them having or working on their 2nd child.

I feel left out. I feel like I am surrounded by people moving up and moving on while I am stagnant in my little box. I feel like there is something wrong with me that I have not achieved those goals in my life yet. I think that I have mentioned that 33 is my scary age, and it is coming up fast.

Sometimes I think that I put too much pressure on myself about this stuff. Logically, I know that everyone is different. I know that my time will come. My fear is that when it becomes my time, I am not going to be able to have a kid. With all the crazy medical issues that I have been having it is always in the back of my mind.

I can't help it.

Wednesday Weirdness

1. Is there anything hanging from your vehicle's rear view mirror?

I have a set of traveling rosary beads hanging there. I am convinced that they have kept me out of some crazy crap on the road.

2. When you go into the bathroom, do you ever check behind the shower curtain? You know, to make sure no one is miraculously hiding back there.

No, never. Who has time for that?

3. At what age did your mom or dad give you "the talk" about sex?

I'm STILL waiting for my sex talk. I'll be 32 in a month.

4. If you could add anything at all to an airplane to make trips more interesting, what would it be and why?

I would totally add a library. On long flights, I can usually get through a book with plenty of time to spare, and since I only pack one in my carry-on and the rest in the suitcase, I'm screwed.

They also need to develop little cabins like they have on the sleeper trains within the main cabin that you can go into and shut the door to get away from all the smelly, annoying people.

5. What is one thing you and your significant other can never seem to agree on?

We disagree on tons of stuff. Movies-he likes old dramas from the 70's. I don't. I like to be silent and read. He doesn't. Somehow though, we make it work.

6. Have you ever walked in on someone else having sex? How did you and the people involved react?

This happened all the time in college. No big deal, we would just turn around and shut the door. I will say that no one has ever walked in on me, that I know of.

7. Everyone hears discussions that they consider boring. What is one topic that can put you to sleep quicker than any other?

Anything having to do with numbers, math, finance, budgets, zzzzzzzzzzzz.

Wait, what were we talking about?


Go here to play.

What Would You Do?

I really need help with this one. Here is the story:

My cousin just got engaged. She is younger than I am, but we have been dating our boys for about the same amount of time.

She is having an engagement party. ON MY BIRTHDAY. When I saw the invite, my first instinct was to decline. My bday is sacred to me, and especially since it falls on the weekend this year. I told Dirty about it, and he got all weird. We had been talking about going away that weekend, but since he lost his job I figured it was a moot point. Anyway, he starts going on about how this is disrespectful to me, and that I should decline. (Sidebar-lately he has been ranting and raving about everything so I take it with a grain of salt. The dude has too much time on his hands.)

Then I started thinking...why SHOULD I decline? Just because it is my bday? Am I being selfish? Can I guilt trip her into having a cake for me at her party? She is having it at a hot NYC restaurant that her friends own (she and her fiance are chefs) and that I have been dying to go to. So it wouldn't be a bust. I guess.

HELP!!

Suspicious Activity

This is a very difficult blog entry to write, partly because it makes me sick to my stomach that I almost became "that girl".

Before I get into the story, I would like to thank Penny for talking some sense into me. It really helps to have someone in your life that you can share things with and not be judged for them. I couldn't even tell my therapist this, because I know that she would judge me badly.

I'll start at the beginning. My friend Rachel who recently passed away would have these massive parties when we were in college and invite pretty much everyone in the tri-state area. I met random friends and family members that were interconnected somehow. One of Rachel's cousin's, Lisette had a friend Betsy, who had a brother named Andy. When I was in college, Andy was maybe 17 or 18. Nothing major, him and his boys would hang around with us, and we would buy them alcohol and other party favors.

Fast forward 11 years at Rachel's wake. I see him again briefly, but don't really talk to him.

Three days later, Dirty got a copy of an amateur porn from his douchebag friend. We started watching it and one of the actors look familiar to me. I look a little closer and pause the dvd and it looks like Andy. I tell Dirty the whole story, and tell him that it looks like him. Dirty gets all weird, and tells me to contact him to see if it is really him.

Confused yet? Well there's more.

So I contact my friend who gives me his contact info, and I send an email. Turns out, it was Andy. In his response email, he invited me and Dirty out for drinks with him and his girlfriend. I tell Dirty about drinks and a very strange dream about the two of them. Well, he flips out and accuses me of wanting to be Andy. I don't.

Throughout this I have been emailing Andy and catching up with him about both of our lives and just random stuff. Nothing inappropriate. It was nice to get a different guys opinion on stuff that I was going through. So when he suggested we get together for drinks without Dirty, I was tempted. He asked for my number and wanted to make plans to meet this weekend, conveniently when Dirty will be in Boston with douchebag, who started this all.

WTF was I doing? WTF is wrong with me? I love my boyfriend so much; why was I so willing to throw it all away for drinks with some guy that I know if Dirty would find out it would be over?

I am NOT making excuses for my behavior, because I think that what I did was totally wrong; but I'm a little scared at how easy it was for me to get caught up in something like this. Is it because Dirty is unemployed and making it very difficult for me to be supportive of him? Is is because something is not really right with us? Is it me? Is it him?

I got lost, but luckily Penny was my GPS.

Best Laid Plans...

Yesterday under the guise of a medical appointment, I took the day off. Penny and I went to go see Aunt Wendy, and I had a whole day of pampering planned after.

I was right on schedule; got home at about 11:45, hair appointment was for 12:30. Decided to take a little nap.

Everything went downhill from there. I didn't wake up until 7:30PM!!! I missed my hair appointment, my mani-pedi and my facial and massage. So now, I still look like hell, with unpolished nails and feet. I was so pissed, but I guess that it was my body's way of slowing me down and catching up on the sleep that I have been missing.

I also can't help but think that if I wasn't so anal about being on time for my appointment, and would have gone to lunch with Penny after the show, that I would have had a slamming hairstyle and hot looking fingers and toes. Foiled again. That's what I get for wanting to be cheap and get the Monday- Thursday mani-pedi special for $15 dollars.

C Word- F That

First of all: got the results of the biopsy. All clear here. No cancer cells found, just a large concentration of cells in the small area underneath the thyroid. Sweet! I still have to monitor it, including getting monthly blood work, but no cancer! And because I am a little bitch, I started crying at work. I will not announce this at work yet, I still want Sidekick to stay off my back.

Dirty already has a few interviews lined up for next week. He reached out to a bunch of his contacts and they all hooked him up. He's happy, and so am I. I need a Wii or a Flat Screen TV for my birthday. Today he went fishing with my Dad. Totally random, but whatevs. They are both off my back for the day.

This weekend, my sister and I are house sitting for my cousin. What? Did you say pool party? I did. Did you also say it will only be me and my sister? I did too. I just want a relaxing weekend by myself. (My sister doesn't count).

And finally, I will be updating my blog roll this weekend come hell or high water. It's about time.