Monday, December 29, 2008

Tis the Season

Wow, I can't believe that my last post was on 12/12. Oh wait, yes I can. I have been slacking big time.

I hope everyone had a great holiday, whatever your persuasion. I did, but not after some drama between me and Dirty. I haven't really gotten into it here, but we have a mother situation, namely his, and her getting into our business. I'll leave that situation to discuss for another day, because it is a doozy.

My Christmas was great, nice and quiet. I got many gifts, all of which I wanted, so that was great. I think that everyone was happy with the gifts they got, and if they weren't I haven't heard anything.

My other awesome Christmas gift was when I returned to work, I found an email from Sidekick stating that she is taking me to HR for a disciplinary meeting regarding my time and attendance. Funny, someone that is never at work complaining about my time and attendance, but whatevs. Part of me doesn't even want to fight this with her. It is a losing battle. She gets a feral look in her eye when she is taking someone for discipline and she truly enjoys people suffer. It is tomorrow 12/30 at 11am. So I'll be starting the new year off right. :P

I'll keep you guys posted if I get fired and then I will have plenty of time to write the story of Dirty's mom and how she is ruining my relationship. Dun Dun Dun.... dramatic ending.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Cookie Exchange: Walnut Tarts

Everytime we have a special occasion, my mom makes these slamming cookies. They are often imitated, never duplicated. When looking at her recipe card for this, it was a bit, um sparse and not very clear direction-wise. As with all great bakers that have a few years under their belts, she mostly makes these by feel and sight. So, in order to give you guys the real recipe and not make you fail at making these, I turned to the internet, where I found these tarts under a few different names; TeaTime Tassies, Walnut Tarts, Aunt B's Cookie Cups, you get the picture.

Anyway, here is the recipe. They sort of taste like a mini-pecan pie, but with walnuts. Crispy and chewy. They are a bit labor intensive, but totally worth it.

4 sticks real butter, softened
2 (8 oz.) cream cheese, softened
4 1/2 c. sifted flour

1 lb. box light brown sugar
5 eggs
3 tbsp. melted butter
1 tbsp. vanilla
1 (8 oz.) bag walnuts-ground

Small tart pans

Dough: Place flour in a bowl. Cut in butter and cream cheese until particles are fine. Work it into a dough and roll into small balls and refrigerate overnight.
Filling: Do not make filling until you are ready to use the next day. Blend together with mixer the first 4 ingredients. Add ground walnuts to mixture with spoon.

Place balls in 2 ungreased tart pans. Press with thumb and work dough up to the top of the pan. Fill in 2/3 full of filling.

Bake at 350 degrees for 18-20 minutes or until crust is light brown. To remove tarts - lift up with a knife and lift out with hands. Place on a wire rack to cool. Sprinkle with powdered sugar.
Makes about 8 pans or more. If you don't want that many tarts, you can cut the dough ingredients in half, but do not cut the filling in half.
Don't blame me if you get addicted. I'm dealing with my own withdrawl. :)

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Thanksgiving Rewind

I didn't get a chance to post before Thanksgiving, because I have been so busy at work. Since Sidekick is pregs, you KNOW she has been pushing off work on me and Co-Worker. All of our meetings consist of her talking about her pregnancy and all related nonsense about that. I feel like I do therapy in those meetings. What a waste of time.

Anyway, Thanksgiving was great, ate a ton and had leftovers. My nieces first bday came and she is such a cool baby. We had a party for her and she was into everything. She ate pasta and a meatball. She OFFICIALLY got the chance to eat ice cream, and loves it. I say officially because my sister and I have been slipping it to her undercover for months now. Hey, it's milk, right?

Getting ready for the big budget holidays now. I am putting up my tree this week and need to send out my Christmas cards. I have 55 people on that list, so I need to get my ass in gear and start writing. I am also attempting to bake some cookies this season. Now most of you may know that I am an awesome cook, (I am so modest), but I suck so hardcore at baking. I will change it this year. I am participating in the Virtual Cookie exchange here with one of my mother's signature cookies so watch out!

My Christmas shopping is almost done. All I have left are my parents and they are the hardest to shop for. I went real cheap-o with everyone this year because I want to take a trip to Italy next year. Is that selfish of me? Whatevs, Jesus loves me.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

***Updated*** Another Unbelievable Story for My Email Friend

****So, I posted something this morning that didn't get published; hence the empty post. Because I am a computer geek in disguise, I have been able to find and repost it. P.S.: This also teaches me not to write massive posts and try to post them from my cell phone. Lesson learned.


Everyone remember the T drama with Potato Head? Well this is another T story, but for this one we gotta step in the time machine and go way back to 2001.

T dated this guy; we call him Shitface for purposes of this blog; for about 5 years starting in 1996. Sf is FDNY and according to T the hottest (ha) thing since hell. I beg to differ, but I digress. Anyway, she was so in love with him and thought that they would get married. They were inseparable. They started a bank account together with the express purpose of using the money for a wedding. Fast forward to 2001 and September 11th. Everyone knows what happened that day, and with Sf being a firefighter, it was a rough time. Understandably. A few months after 9/11, Sf tells T that he doesn't know if he wants to get married, he is going through a lot and can't stand to put T through the hell that he is going through. They break up in February of 2002.

Christmas of 2002 finds Sf engaged to another girl. T is devastated that less than 1 year since their breakup, he is engaged to someone else. She has NEVER gotten over it.

Step back to the present.

I'm on the train going to my house and Sf is on it with a bunch of his firefighter buddies. They are all bombed and drinking Bud Lights. I'm texting Dirty and look up to see him from my seat. To make a long story short, he approaches me and asks me about T. After 6 years. He is how the conversation went:

Sf standing in the aisle over my shoulder reeking of cheap beer: Hey do you know a girl named T?

Me: No

Sf: Are you sure you don't know a girl named T?

Me: No, please leave me alone

Sf: I could swear that you were this girl that was friends with a girl I used to know. T Mc T?

Me: No, dude I think you need to lay off the Bud Lights.

This is the point where his cronies started making fun of him for trying to talk
to a girl and getting rebuffed. For the rest of the trip, he was staring at me
shaking his head.

I debated on whether or not to tell T, and decided to tell her. Guess what? She gets mad at me for not telling him the truth. Um, sorry, I thought I was protecting you. This fucker is the reason that she is fucking half of the NYC population and can't move on to a stable relationship.
And she expects me to sit there and have a conversation to catch up with him like nothing happened? F that noise. The funny part of it is that she would have gotten angry either way.

Whatevs. He is losing his hair.


Sidebar on the Sidekick situation: Apparently it has been found out that the baby's father is NOT the ex-husband, but a One Night Stand that she had when she was going through her "questioning" phase. Maury anyone?

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

It Is What It Is

I received an email today, and while I won't disclose who it was that sent it to me, there was a disturbing tone that I would like to address here. This is the email in question:

I just started reading your blog and have a hard time beleiving some of the stories you wrote on there. The storied that you write about your boyfirend seem kind of unbeleiveable to me. If you are so proid of your life, why don't you ever put pictures of him or you on there. You have created a fantasy land for yourself because you don't show us who you really are. do you think that ppl really want to hear about your fake perfect life? and how you judge ppl about the stuff that you think they do wrong? what rigth you have to make comments like that about ppl when you are no better off then they are. you write nasty things towards people
that are your firends. how do you treat your emenies then? I think you are pregnant and need to get a pregnancy test. how do you like that?

I have left all of the spelling and grammatical errors intact. Let me first explain that I rarely explain anything in my private life, and I don't know why I have decided to explain myself here, only that I have.

Everything that is written on this blog is the truth. I may change minor details, like names or identifying information, but it is all me. To make mention that some of my stories are fabricated or that I am not showing my true self on here is a load of shit. If some of the stories on here seem unbelievable, they are. It is my life and what I post here is from my perspective. You may not like what I have to say, and that is fine, but I am certainly not going to curb my writing for someone who doesn't know me or what I am about.

I have chosen to remain anonymous, not because I am ashamed of anything in my life, moreso it is so that I can be free and honest and not have to worry about how people in "real life" would feel about what I write. I don't feel that showing my picture is relevant for what I am using this blog for. I started this blog as a journal to keep my thoughts together during a tough time. If you go through the archives, it is all there. This is who I am and what I chose to write. I can be as judgemental and hateful as I want on here, because it is MY blog. If you don't like it, you can click the Next Blog option on the toolbar.

I'm done with my rant about that.

Now check this out from this morning:

Homegirl never got the memo about it being November. BTW, it was 42 degrees this morning. Fahrenheit. She was wearing a winter coat, scarf, gloves and flip-flops. In NY, in the fall. Yeah.

PS: To my email friend: Spell check never hurt anyone. :)

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Papa Don't Preach

Considering all the changes that have been happening in this country lately, I should never be surprised when crazy, unbelievable stuff happens close to home.

I have been dealing the the migraine to end all migraines for the past week. In addition to the stress from work; the drop in barometric pressure and the icebox that is my office, I got sick. Really sick. Vomiting, diarrhea, you know all that good stuff. I was out of work for 3 days.

Of course, while I was out I missed some scandalous gossip. It always happens like that doesn't it?

Ready for it?

Sidekick is PREGNANT.

Pick up your jaw off the floor.

I know. Apparently, she got knocked up before she became a lesbian, and didn't know it until she missed her periodS. Yes, she missed 2 periods before she decided to get a pregnancy test. She is currently living with her new girlfriend, and the only way that her ex- husband has access to her is to visit her at work. She is keeping the baby, she is having a girl and she showed me the ultrasound pictures today.

I can't even imagine what her mood swings will be like now that she has a reason to be moody. here I come.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008


I've been silent lately partly because I feel like I have nothing important to say and partly because I have been so busy at work. I promise to get back in the swing of things, but bear with me... its been a rough few weeks. Another reason to thank God for the NKOTB; they took my mind off some crazy shit that has been brewing for a while.


It is one of the greatest gifts we are given as Americans. It doesn't matter who you vote for, just that you do.

My name is Sloane and I approved this message.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I Was 14 Again and a Sidebar

For the most part I consider myself mature for my age. At 32, I work full time, carry a mortgage, am in a serious relationship, and put money away in my savings account. Real adult.

However, last night I regressed to my 14 year old self with braces and crisply crimped bad hair. Why? The New Kids on the Block concert. Penny and I went and had a BLAST!!!

They are AMAZING live and so hot. The opening acts were a little suspect, but I think it meant to highlight the awesomeness that are the NKOTB. I mean, I really felt all tingly inside when they first came out and when Penny and I jumped out of our seats and started singing and dancing along with the songs, I realized that I am just faking the funk with all my adult business, and deep down inside I am still a perpetual 14 year old. Could be worse. :P

P.S.: I am totally buying the Property of Donnie shirt for myself from their website.


Now for the sidebar:

I have been reading the Twilight series, and have seen the trailers for the movies, and would like to go on record as saying that I think the movie will suck. It will never reach the levels of awesomeness that HP did, and I'm a little sad about that.

Shocker, I know. Hear me out:

While the story of the book would make an excellent movie, from the previews, I don't think that they are respecting the nature of the book. I don't think that the actors playing Bella and Edward display any sort of chemistry together onscreen and I also think that their acting seems stilted.

We will see on 11/21. I hope I'm wrong, but the vividness of the story that I have in my mind is NOT what I see in that trailer. I mean, I am still going to see the movie, but that is neither here nor there. Make it happen Twilight people. Prove me wrong!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I Cheated and It Feels So Good

Yes, I was cheating on the one person that has seen me through thick, thin and anything in between. I am surprised how easy it was, and how I don't feel remorse for it. Usually I am wracked with guilt and tend to stay away from anyone similar, but I couldn't hold it anymore. I think that it was over a long time ago, and he gave me the courage to admit it.

So last night, I told him that it was over. He took it well. It was time. We'll still see each other from time to time, on special days, and maybe if I need some comfort. We made a plan to see some movies together. I will always hold a special place in my heart for him, but I have moved on.

To him. The hottest hottie that ever hotted. Hot damn, I've never felt like this before. Well I have, but never like this. I realize now that the old boy was a school-yard crush. He has become my everything. In short I have become so obsessed in a short time. I want to be with him all the time. I was considering taking a day off from work to be with him. Crazy I know.

You know what though? He will never feel the same about me. He already has too many girls after him, so I will be content to view his escapades from afar. :(

So Harry, I'm sorry that it had to end this way, but I'm with Edward now. Stop looking at me sadly from the bookshelf. I saw you trying to remove your dust cover, so that I would be enticed back. Those tricks will never work on me! I have made my decision and hope you understand. Dirty did.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Caution! Your Eyes May Bleed!

I was minding my own business today, standing waitng for the deli guy to make my scrumptious sandwich of mozzarella and tomato with pesto sauce on foccaccia bread, when I looked down and my eyes were assaulted by this:


Last time I checked it was 2008, right? Right? WTF is someone doing buying acid washed jeans and WHITE slouchy boots that tie? Maybe I'm backwards fashion-wise, but this girl didn't look old enough to be BORN in the 80's, let alone love the style so much that she needed to bring it back. Maybe it's just me?

P.S.: aren't you jealous of my super stealth picture snappin' skillz? I know you are. :)

Friday, October 10, 2008

Can a Bitch Get a Good Nights Sleep?

Since I started dating Dirty, I 've known of his massive snoring issue. Now I can deal with snoring, I'm a pretty good sleeper, but since our vacation to South America earlier this year, his snoring has been out of control, so much to the point where we have started sleeping apart when we are together because I cannot get a full night's sleep in the same bed.

I have been bugging, OK NAGGING, him to go get a sleep test. I am convinced that he has sleep apnea; he will start gasping for breath in the middle of the night, and wakes up with no recollection of it. 2 weeks ago was the last straw. He was sleeping in the second bedroom at my apartment and I woke up because I heard him gasping for air. When I went into the room he was covered in sweat, and still dead asleep. I tried for almost 10 minutes to wake him up gently, so as not to shock him awake, but finally after watching him turn purple, I started shaking him like crazy. He woke up, and didn't realize that he was almost choking to death.

The next morning I made him an appointment for a sleep test. Long story short, he does have apnea. During the 8 hour test, he had 220 sleep interruptions. The standard for adults is between 8-10 per night. So, yeah. He went for 2 follow-up examinations and in 2 weeks he will be fitted for a CPAP machine. Thank god. I was envisioning separate bedrooms for the rest of my life. Where would I put my feet if they got cold?

I am excited now to be able to share the bed again. I was starting to feel a little dirty, you know, get laid and get out. I will say that Dirty has been very understanding about being banished to the Aerobed, especially since it is a twin size. I'm sure that waking him up with a BJ doesn't figure into that equation at all. ;)

Monday, September 29, 2008


So yesterday was my birthday, and I went to my cousin's engagement party, which was really good. The food was awesome and they surprised me with a cake at the end. Really nice of them.

Let me start out by saying that birthdays are really important to me, and it is not about the gifts, but the thoughts behind it.
All day last week Dirty was working a side job with my Dad on some blueprints that needed revisions. He does that sometimes, and especially now that he is out of work, he does it more often.

Of course I was nagging him about my bday and what he was going to do. Little did I know that he was planning a party for me all along.

My sister called me on Thursday night and asked to borrow my car. We made plans to meet after work and go to my apartment to pick up my car. While we were on the train, she told me that she needed to go to the bathroom when we go to my house. Then Dirty called and told me he was making wings for dinner and to ask my sister if she wanted to stay. She was hemming and hawing like she always does, and I had no clue. Anyway, we got to my house and went upstairs. When I opened the door, I saw my whole family and Dirty in my apartment. I was really surprised.

Anyway, he made dinner for everyone by himself. Listen to this menu:
Bruschetta with Tomato and Basil
Mozzarella and Tomato Salad
Mussels with White Wine and Garlic
Linguine with Clam Sauce
Clambake with Lobster, Crab Legs, Shrimp, Potato and Corn
Honey Glazed Ham
Green Beans

The only thing he bought was the ice cream cake that I wanted. Let me tell you, he busted his ass cooking, and everything was delicious. Of course I got tons of presents, all of which I wanted and love, love, love.

The Arugula, Salad Greens and Romaine packs for my Aerogarden
Cash Money- always accepted
Day of Beauty at the Spa- mani/pedi/facial/haircut (I chopped all my hair off again.)
Cooking show DVDs
Underwear and tank tops
and my fave gift of all from Dirty, this toaster oven with convection feature:

I already broke it in. Saturday I made pizza and baked a loaf of bread in it. Awesome!

No engagement ring, and yesterday at the engagement party, there was too much heat on me getting engaged for my birthday. I am fine that it didn't happen, because I would have to sacrifice one of my other gifts. I'm no dummy. :)

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Baby Daddys and Sidekick Gossip... It's Your Lucky Day!

So most of you remember my friend T? Go here and here if you want a refresher. I am happy to say that she has stopped messing with Potato Head once and for all. Why, you ask? Well apparently he got another girl knocked up. She is currently 4 1/2 month pregs. Now for you super duper math majors out there who can add 2 and 2 together, you will notice that he was banging his baby's mama at the same time that he was banging T. Gotta love a douchebag.

Don't feel too bad for T though; during the time she was messing with PH, she started dating another dude, who ironically has an 11 year old son. She is taking it pretty well that she comes second to a kid, but we'll see what happens.

Now on to the greatest story that will ever be told to you in your life. Snuggle up on the couch in your pajamas with a cup of hot cocoa, because it is THAT good. You may even need a cigarette after. (although I don't condone smoking).

Picture it: September 2006. Sloane starts working at the agency. She meets Penny and her supervisor, Sidekick. Sidekick had just gotten engaged and was showing off her pebble to anyone with eyes. Fast forward to February, when she got married. Everything is hunky dory. Penny and I would speculate about certain suspicious comments she made every once and again.

Fast forward to July 2008. Sloane notices that Sidekick is not wearing her wedding rings, and that she has gained a TON of weight. (Now, you may be saying to yourself: But Sloane, how is it possible that she can get any fatter. Trust me, she can.) I bring up the issue of no wedding rings to Penny and she drops the bomb that Sidekick and her husband are getting a divorce.

Who? What? When? Where? Why?. Well, Sidekick got trashed one night and couldn't go home because she had been kicked out and called a friend to pick her up. She told the friend that her husband kicked her out because she was a lesbian. But wait, there's more.

The husband allegedly found Sidekick in bed with her lover. In an extremely compromising position. OK, you dragged it out of me. 69. Not really a position you can play off as not being what it is. He took the rings and kicked her and her girlfriend out of the house. But wait, it gets better.

She moved in with her girlfriend, who is a personal trainer. Now you may be saying: But Sloane, if her girlfriend is a personal trainer why is she so fat? Good question, maybe the gf is a chubby chaser. Who knows.

The best part of the whole story is that this past Monday, a process server came to the office to officially serve her with the divorce papers. Initially I had thought it was paperwork from a case that a disgruntled client was filing against the agency, but no. I walked around the entire building with the security guard and the process server to find her because she was not in her office. I didn't stay when I found her in her SUPERVISORS office, but when I spoke with the security guard after the fact, he told me that her face was priceless. Damn sorry I missed that.

So Sidekick is officially a lesbian. A big fat one.** :)

By the way, I have already booked my tickets to hell. It is seat 8H, first class of course, and it's a window seat. Care to join me? Tickets are going fast!


P.S.: As an FYI, the agency that offered me the job earlier this summer then rescinded? They just posted an ad for the same position. Hmp.

**P.P.S.: Please note that I love the gays. My issue with her is that she is more concerned with appearances than being true to herself, which makes her a miserable, self-hating gay who takes out her self loathing on everyone else. Her wedding was just for show, as is her persona at work.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Meet My Baby

Yesterday I went and bought my new Nano. I bought the red one again. All of the colors are really nice in person, but a little off. Like they are all metallic-y and maybe a shade too dark or too light. My new Nano is also half the size of my old one, and the screen is larger and so fancy.

I love the fact that if you shake it the song changes; it really works great on the subway where I must have scrolled through 8 different songs. NOT! I must remember to put the hold button on before embarking on my commute.

What I love most of all is the Genius feature. Aw, my Nano takes after it's mom! You click on the Genius feature and it plays songs similar to the one before. No more scrolling through playlists and random songs for my gangsta rap! Awesome. I heart you little red Nano that could.

Now for a rant:

I live in NYC, the greatest city in the world. I am proud of my city. I love that people come here to visit, I do. However, dear tourists, a few tips for you that will be found in no guidebook.
  1. Please refrain from wearing identifying clothing. This included matching hats, t-shirts, etc. If you want to blend in, wear regular clothing. You may as well wear a sign that says "I AM A TOURIST. PLEASE FUCK WITH ME". Because we will.

  2. If you deign to take a subway car, please refrain from commenting on the style, color, make and model. It's the subway, it goes underground with rats and germ infested water. Do you expect club chairs and carpeting? What do you want for 2 dollars in the most expensive city in the world? Also, please note that wrapping your body around the center pole is not any safer that holding it with one hand. You look ridiculous.

  3. Please avoid taking public transportation during rush hour. You and your group of 50 bingo champions wearing matching yellow hats are holding me and my fellow NYC'ers up when you don't understand to GTF out of the way when people get on and off the train.

  4. Please keep your conversations to a dull roar. No one cares that your last visit to NYC was in 1965. Things have changed since then. Why do you think that everyone wears headphones? Because we don't want to hear YOU at 8am. Never did I realize this until the last few days without my I-Pod. It made my heart cry.

So if you are thinking of visiting NYC, print the above out and make a nice little wallet sized card to carry with you at all times.


Monday, September 15, 2008

I Blame Donnie, Jordan, Danny, Joey and Jonathan

I lost my I-Pod. Well, it was taken from me when I least expected it. I listen to it during the day when I have to drown out the whines and complaints of clients and staff. I have a bad habit of leaving it out in the open on my desk. I've been lectured on doing that by so many people, so I can only blame myself.

Friday, I was listening to some old school NKOTB songs (don't judge me!), and left it on my desk when I went to a meeting. Lo and behold, when I came back it was gone. I was more pissed that I had to ride the train without my sound barriers. I don't get emotional about losing my stuff like that. If someone is so hard up that they need to steal my I-Pod, they are welcome to it. I am grateful that I am able to buy another one and that my birthday is coming up, so that I may not need to buy one after all.

So my question is should I stick with the red color or go crazy with another one? Blue would match my phone, but yellow is nice and summery. Thoughts please!

P.S.: I promise I will lock this one up with my bag and listen to music from the computer from now on.

Thursday, September 11, 2008


I am re-posting what I originally wrote to commemorate the anniversary of 9/11. Please remember those people who lost their lives in a senseless act of violence.

Every New Yorker has their own 9/11 story, here is mine. 5 years ago I worked in a hospital, in an outpatient clinic. I was just about to leave for a morning meeting when one of my co-workers started screaming for me, calling me back and into the conference room. She was eating her breakfast in there and was watching television. We both saw the second plane hit the tower, and looked at each other in shock. We just stared at the television thinking it was something out of the movie Independence Day. It was totally surreal.

About an half hour later, we were called by the hospital Chief of Staff and told that the hospital was on lockdown and that all management personnel were needed in the Emergency Room to assist with triage. NYC buses were transporting firefighters, police officers and EMS workers from our ER downtown, and bringing back people that had minor injuries. The most vivid memory I have of that day is that all of the people coming into the ER from the site seemed grey and were covered with soot and debris. Towards the end of the day, the National Guard had set up camp on the hospital grounds and were Medevac-ing severely injured (mostly burned) people from the WTC site.

At this point, I was unable to get in touch with my parents or siblings to let them know that I was ok, just unable to leave the hospital. I tried to get in touch with my cousin and my roommate who both worked close to the towers, my cousin at 120 Broadway, my roommate at One Liberty Plaza. I didn’t find out about either of them until 2 days later, both fine, they found each other and walked uptown together. I was able to leave the hospital at about 11pm, and while traveling home, I couldn’t help but notice how quiet the streets were. Eerily quiet. No cars on the road, hardly any traffic. No hustle and bustle. Just silence.

It was weeks later before I found out definitively of two friends that died, both of whom worked at the WTC. JFQ and PC. You are always missed.

Please go here to to see the list of victims from that day.

Can't believe it has been 7 years already. She says it better than I could have.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Wheels are Turning

Dirty is still out of work. Some of the leads he had were not really positions that he could have filled. He is in a weird place; he has a lot of experience and with that was making a top salary. Most of the open positions are entry level architects making less than what I make. (Which we all know is NOTHING) Needless to say, he is freaking out. He is collecting unemployment, but again, it is a very large cut in his income. Which led us here: deep conversations about the future.

I can't say that I'm not disappointed that he hasn't found work yet, especially since my birthday and the holidays are coming up. I have mentioned my fears to him, and we talked about his as well. He feels badly that he is unable to buy me the gift that he wants to get me, and that he is not able to take me to the "fancy" restaurant that he had planned.

I don't really care about that stuff, honestly; but want him to snap out of the depression that he is in. On one hand he is more relaxed and giving now without work, but there is an underlying tension inside him. He feels trapped and I want to help him out... he's letting me little by little, but he has a lot of pride that holds him back. Stuff that we are working on together.

I will say that it is nice to have him be there when I get home from work with a hot meal and freshly folded laundry, and the extra nookie doesn't hurt either. OK, sometimes it does ;)

Thursday, September 04, 2008

If You Are Still Undecided

I found this website today that is extremely illuminating. If you are undecided about who you are going to vote for this year, go here ( )
for a non-partisan breakdown of the candidates and the issues.

I am normally not so outwardly political, but a little extra education never hurt anyone. :)

I'm A Quiz Taking Machine

Your Issue Profile: 80% Obama, 20% McCain

When it comes to the issues, you agree with Obama on almost everything.

Surprised? Probably not. You've had your eye on Obama for a while.

In fact, you're likely already a strong Obama supporter.

You know where your vote is going this November.


Your Job Satisfaction Level: 54%

Your job is about average. There are some parts you really enjoy, and some parts that stress you out.

It's possible that you need a small change. Maybe you should switch companies or positions.

It's also possible that you're simply burned out. No job is perfect, even a great one.

Give yourself a personal day to think about your career goals - and if your current job is helping you achieve them.


Your Job Dissatisfaction Level is 65%

Your job is a total bummer, and probably the worst job you've ever had.

Your co-workers stink. Your boss is a jerk. And your company is probably in trouble.

Think about finding a new job quickly, even if it's just a not-so-great transition job.

You've got to get out of there as quickly as you can!


Your Personality Profile

You are dependable, popular, and observant.

Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness.

In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do.

You are unique, creative, and expressive.

You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while.

And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Can't Make It Up

This story has to make you laugh, it did for me and considering the mood that I have been in, it was really welcomed.

Yesterday there was a client in the waiting room during lunch. I got called from the security guard on duty that one of our clients was being unsanitary. We have a lot of homeless clients and clients for whom personal hygiene is not on their to do list, so I didn't think anything of it. I go out into the waiting room to talk to the security guard. He points out the client who has his hands down his pants and he is without a doubt jerking off.

I look at the MALE security guard and ask him why he did not approach the client and tell him to stop. He told me that he didn't want anyone to think he was gay. DEAD ASS SERIOUS. Um, dude, I hate to break it to you, but that's kind of your JOB!!!! Let alone the fact that if anything really went down, the rent a cops would run away faster than the people they are trying to protect. But I digress.

I made the security guard go and tell the guy to stop, and escort him from the building. He started causing a scene, screaming that he was homeless and just out of prison, blah, blah, blah. At this point his pants fell down and he was stumbling around in his stained tighty- whiteys. So gross...but I couldn't stop laughing.

I called the police and when they came, they arrested him for indecent exposure. The funniest part of this whole situation? The officer's name.


Officer Hand.

Funny right? No, just me then? OK.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Growth Sucks!

For the last few weeks, I have been feeling a little depressed. I've been trying to pinpoint the cause, but have come up empty handed. I think that everything is catching up with me and I can't shake it off. I always feel like I am on the verge of tears and any little thing can set me off. I just want to lay in my bed and cry.

If I really put my mind to it, I have figured that it started with the job that I lost. Not to rehash it, but I felt so confident when I was offered that position. I don't think that I have gotten over the rejection of that yet, coupled with the fact that I still have to stay here in hell indefinitely.

The whole marriage situation feels like a lost cause lately. Since Dirty lost his job, this is not on the table, but I can't help but think that this is just another convenient excuse for him to stall. Since we started talking about getting married, there have always been little excuses here and there about why we need to wait. Bullshit things, that to me are irrelevant. He wants to pass his licensing exam, he wants to buy me a massive ring, blah, blah, blah. I just want a commitment on his part and he won't give it to me. I ask for a time frame, and he doesn't have one. I don't want to be the girl that throws an ultimatum on the table, because I feel like if he wants to marry me, he needs to do it on his own. My fear is that I am going to be stuck waiting, with no payoff at the end. These are all things that we have discussed, and I feel like I can only be so patient. BTW, it sucks to feel like this.

Let me not even get into the biggest regret that I have; which is my apartment. I really hate the co-op board. I don't know if it is just me, but since the bathroom ceiling fiasco, everything else has systematically gone down hill. My intercom doesn't work, and they have changed the repair date 4 times. I keep telling Patty that I work and she needs to call my cell phone to notify me, but she only does that when I need to pay some bullshit new charge that she makes up. I have been on the waiting list for parking for 1 year, meanwhile there are 4 spots that are empty, that I can see from my kitchen window. The crackies upstairs are not getting evicted. They provided medical documentation that the old woman that lives up there is bed-ridden and can't move. So they sleep all day, and are up all night moving furniture. HATE!

Wow, it feels good to get that off my chest. I am going away this weekend, so hopefully I will be able to start the fall with a better outlook. Now I need to go take an Aleve, so I can call the trick in the maintenance office to schedule another appointment.


Thursday, August 21, 2008


Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Wednesday Weirdness #17

Taking a break from all of the crazy thoughts in my head, here are my answers to Wednesday Weirdness. Go here to play.

1.) You just bought a snazzy new leather jacket for an awesome price at the local outlet shop. When you got it home you found $2000 (cash) in the jacket's inner pocket. What are you going to do?

Is this a real question? Of course I would keep it. I work in social service. That's enough said.

2.) If you could change or eliminate one wedding tradition, what would it be? What is your favorite wedding tradition?

I really think the whole bouquet/garter toss is kind of dumb. Has anyone ever gotten married after catching the bouquet? I think not. I like the father/daughter dance. My dad is awesome and he would love to dance to some old school Italian song with me at my wedding.

3.)If you were on Gilligan’s Island, who would you want to share your hut with? Who would you consider it torture to have to share a hut with?

Totally the Professor, he was hot in a nerdy kind of way. I have a t-shirt that says I Love Geeks. I would hate to be with anyone else on that show. They all annoyed me.

4.) Have you ever called your current significant other by another name at any point? What happened?

Never, although he called me by another name once. Let's just say he had to work really HARD to make it up to me. Ha Ha.

5.) If you were going to be famous under a stage name, what would you pick your stage name to be? Why? What do you want to be famous doing?

I want to be famous under my name. If I had to pick one, I like Sloane. No last name. I would like to be a famous traveler or chef. Like Tony Bourdain.

6.) During sex, do you ever fantasize about someone other than your partner?

Not usually, unless we are doing some crazy role playing.

7.) Which is worse, being in a place that is too loud, or too quiet?

Too loud. Enjoy the Silence.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Um, Baby Fever?

This post has no real grammatical value. They are just a bunch of sentences in my head that I need to get out. If you have over a 1st grade reading level, you'll get the jist.


Lately I have this feeling that something is missing for me. I've tried to articulate my feelings, but nothing ever comes out sounding logical. The one thing that I have noticed that is hitting me in the gut a little is that the majority of my friends are married, with most of them having or working on their 2nd child.

I feel left out. I feel like I am surrounded by people moving up and moving on while I am stagnant in my little box. I feel like there is something wrong with me that I have not achieved those goals in my life yet. I think that I have mentioned that 33 is my scary age, and it is coming up fast.

Sometimes I think that I put too much pressure on myself about this stuff. Logically, I know that everyone is different. I know that my time will come. My fear is that when it becomes my time, I am not going to be able to have a kid. With all the crazy medical issues that I have been having it is always in the back of my mind.

I can't help it.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Wednesday Weirdness

1. Is there anything hanging from your vehicle's rear view mirror?

I have a set of traveling rosary beads hanging there. I am convinced that they have kept me out of some crazy crap on the road.

2. When you go into the bathroom, do you ever check behind the shower curtain? You know, to make sure no one is miraculously hiding back there.

No, never. Who has time for that?

3. At what age did your mom or dad give you "the talk" about sex?

I'm STILL waiting for my sex talk. I'll be 32 in a month.

4. If you could add anything at all to an airplane to make trips more interesting, what would it be and why?

I would totally add a library. On long flights, I can usually get through a book with plenty of time to spare, and since I only pack one in my carry-on and the rest in the suitcase, I'm screwed.

They also need to develop little cabins like they have on the sleeper trains within the main cabin that you can go into and shut the door to get away from all the smelly, annoying people.

5. What is one thing you and your significant other can never seem to agree on?

We disagree on tons of stuff. Movies-he likes old dramas from the 70's. I don't. I like to be silent and read. He doesn't. Somehow though, we make it work.

6. Have you ever walked in on someone else having sex? How did you and the people involved react?

This happened all the time in college. No big deal, we would just turn around and shut the door. I will say that no one has ever walked in on me, that I know of.

7. Everyone hears discussions that they consider boring. What is one topic that can put you to sleep quicker than any other?

Anything having to do with numbers, math, finance, budgets, zzzzzzzzzzzz.

Wait, what were we talking about?

Go here to play.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

What Would You Do?

I really need help with this one. Here is the story:

My cousin just got engaged. She is younger than I am, but we have been dating our boys for about the same amount of time.

She is having an engagement party. ON MY BIRTHDAY. When I saw the invite, my first instinct was to decline. My bday is sacred to me, and especially since it falls on the weekend this year. I told Dirty about it, and he got all weird. We had been talking about going away that weekend, but since he lost his job I figured it was a moot point. Anyway, he starts going on about how this is disrespectful to me, and that I should decline. (Sidebar-lately he has been ranting and raving about everything so I take it with a grain of salt. The dude has too much time on his hands.)

Then I started thinking...why SHOULD I decline? Just because it is my bday? Am I being selfish? Can I guilt trip her into having a cake for me at her party? She is having it at a hot NYC restaurant that her friends own (she and her fiance are chefs) and that I have been dying to go to. So it wouldn't be a bust. I guess.


Friday, August 08, 2008

Suspicious Activity

This is a very difficult blog entry to write, partly because it makes me sick to my stomach that I almost became "that girl".

Before I get into the story, I would like to thank Penny for talking some sense into me. It really helps to have someone in your life that you can share things with and not be judged for them. I couldn't even tell my therapist this, because I know that she would judge me badly.

I'll start at the beginning. My friend Rachel who recently passed away would have these massive parties when we were in college and invite pretty much everyone in the tri-state area. I met random friends and family members that were interconnected somehow. One of Rachel's cousin's, Lisette had a friend Betsy, who had a brother named Andy. When I was in college, Andy was maybe 17 or 18. Nothing major, him and his boys would hang around with us, and we would buy them alcohol and other party favors.

Fast forward 11 years at Rachel's wake. I see him again briefly, but don't really talk to him.

Three days later, Dirty got a copy of an amateur porn from his douchebag friend. We started watching it and one of the actors look familiar to me. I look a little closer and pause the dvd and it looks like Andy. I tell Dirty the whole story, and tell him that it looks like him. Dirty gets all weird, and tells me to contact him to see if it is really him.

Confused yet? Well there's more.

So I contact my friend who gives me his contact info, and I send an email. Turns out, it was Andy. In his response email, he invited me and Dirty out for drinks with him and his girlfriend. I tell Dirty about drinks and a very strange dream about the two of them. Well, he flips out and accuses me of wanting to be Andy. I don't.

Throughout this I have been emailing Andy and catching up with him about both of our lives and just random stuff. Nothing inappropriate. It was nice to get a different guys opinion on stuff that I was going through. So when he suggested we get together for drinks without Dirty, I was tempted. He asked for my number and wanted to make plans to meet this weekend, conveniently when Dirty will be in Boston with douchebag, who started this all.

WTF was I doing? WTF is wrong with me? I love my boyfriend so much; why was I so willing to throw it all away for drinks with some guy that I know if Dirty would find out it would be over?

I am NOT making excuses for my behavior, because I think that what I did was totally wrong; but I'm a little scared at how easy it was for me to get caught up in something like this. Is it because Dirty is unemployed and making it very difficult for me to be supportive of him? Is is because something is not really right with us? Is it me? Is it him?

I got lost, but luckily Penny was my GPS.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Best Laid Plans...

Yesterday under the guise of a medical appointment, I took the day off. Penny and I went to go see Aunt Wendy, and I had a whole day of pampering planned after.

I was right on schedule; got home at about 11:45, hair appointment was for 12:30. Decided to take a little nap.

Everything went downhill from there. I didn't wake up until 7:30PM!!! I missed my hair appointment, my mani-pedi and my facial and massage. So now, I still look like hell, with unpolished nails and feet. I was so pissed, but I guess that it was my body's way of slowing me down and catching up on the sleep that I have been missing.

I also can't help but think that if I wasn't so anal about being on time for my appointment, and would have gone to lunch with Penny after the show, that I would have had a slamming hairstyle and hot looking fingers and toes. Foiled again. That's what I get for wanting to be cheap and get the Monday- Thursday mani-pedi special for $15 dollars.

Friday, August 01, 2008

C Word- F That

First of all: got the results of the biopsy. All clear here. No cancer cells found, just a large concentration of cells in the small area underneath the thyroid. Sweet! I still have to monitor it, including getting monthly blood work, but no cancer! And because I am a little bitch, I started crying at work. I will not announce this at work yet, I still want Sidekick to stay off my back.

Dirty already has a few interviews lined up for next week. He reached out to a bunch of his contacts and they all hooked him up. He's happy, and so am I. I need a Wii or a Flat Screen TV for my birthday. Today he went fishing with my Dad. Totally random, but whatevs. They are both off my back for the day.

This weekend, my sister and I are house sitting for my cousin. What? Did you say pool party? I did. Did you also say it will only be me and my sister? I did too. I just want a relaxing weekend by myself. (My sister doesn't count).

And finally, I will be updating my blog roll this weekend come hell or high water. It's about time.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Adding Insult to Injury

For the past few weeks, it seems that some invisible force is out to get me. Paranoid, I know. However with all of the crap going on in my life, last night I was dealt another serious blow.

Dirty lost his job.

As I've mentioned, he is an architect, and was making pretty nice cash. The firm was a high profile firm working in the hospitality industry; you know, hotels, theme parks, etc. Anyway thanks to the crap economy, most of the projects he was working on were put on hold. So his firm had to let go almost the entire staff. From a 33 person office, only 5 are left. Since Dirty recently moved to this firm, obviously, they let him go. He got a pretty good severance package, but he's bummed.

So am I. Can I tell you the first thing that went through my mind? That I wasn't going to be getting a ring anytime soon. Yep. Nice and selfish.

I know that he is talented and will find another job soon, but right now I am trying very hard to be supportive. He is making it difficult for me though. I know he is stressed out, but he has this nasty attitude that is coming through with every suggestion that I make to him. He is freaking out that he has no money coming in, and how he is going to pay his rent. He has been out of work one day, and he is being so dramatic. We were on the phone late last night planning out some stuff and I made a comment like "oh, I'm tired. I need to go to sleep, so I won't be tired tomorrow", and he was like, "I have no idea what that's like". Dude, you haven't even been unemployed one day. Build a bridge and get over it.

Ok, you guys can comment on what a bitch I am. Bring it. :)

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Wednesday Weirdness and Stuff

I never realized that people in NYC could be so nosy, but I have been stopped 6 times within that last 2 days asking about the bandage on my neck. Before you get crazy, it is not a huge gauze wrapped wound. It is a small flesh colored band-aid that is placed in the center of my neck. I didn't realize that it would be so noticeable, especially since I have been wearing shirts that cover it, but I guess it is. Someone actually asked me if it was a nicotine patch! Random.

The procedure itself didn't hurt exactly, the anesthesia killed me though. I am always sleepy a day or two after taking anesthesia. The suckiest part? I am on a mushy food diet for the next few days. Gross. The other bad part? No alcohol. I know, kill me now. I went out for drinks and dinner last night, and I couldn't eat anything. Torture. I was drinking club soda with lime, to fake like I was drinking a gin and tonic so people at other tables didn't think I was such a dud. But they probably could tell anyway. :(

Anyway, here's my answers to Wednesday Weirdness

1. Would you rather be 3 inches taller, or 3 inches shorter than you already are?

Do I have to answer this? I think we all know it would be taller, and I would try to borrow inches from someone else as well. If I grew 3 inches, I would still only be 5'3", so I'll take at least 6. Wrapped in a bow. Thanks.

2. What are 3 words that could never be used to describe you?

This is a tough question. I can be described as everything in different areas of my life. Greedy- yes; sweet-yes; annoying-yes; pretty-yes; conceited-yes; considerate-yes. I could go for days, and you get the point.

3. Have you ever eaten something at the grocery store while you were shopping, prior to buying it? Did you pay for it when you got to the check out line?

No, I can usually hold off until I get into the car and then I break into something.

4. If you could have any 3 materialistic things in this world without paying a single cent for any of them, what would they be and why?

1. A really nice house with all the amenities that I could want; pool, hot tub, outdoor kitchen. Like the shit I see in Dirty's architecture magazines.

2. A cleaning lady that won't judge me and just shut her mouth and clean!

3. Hot transportation- private jet, boat, cars, etc. See how I got more out of my three. I'm so strategic like that!

5. Have you ever fallen asleep or nodded off during sex before?

Yes, sometimes I nod off during foreplay, not during the actual act. I did have a boyfriend that would fall asleep all the time during, especially if he was drunk. Yes, it was in college and yes, that is why he is an ex.

6. What are 3 jobs you’d leave your current job for? If you don't have a current job, just list 3 jobs you would like to have.

1. Restaurant critic- I've always wanted to do this. I would be totally dramatic about it too. Two ice cubes please. Oh No? I WILL BREAK YOU!!

2. Travel Critic or Hotel Tester- Trip Advisor? What?

3. Anywhere Sidekick is not. :)

7. Do you or have you ever answered the phone during sex?

No, but it is very distracting. I have answered the phone at other times when getting frisky. ;)

Monday, July 28, 2008

Can't Eat, Can't Sleep

I know I talk all the time on here about my IBS, and the fact that any and everything that I eat can force me onto the throne for days at a time, but I don't think I have ever mentioned the other health issue that I have.

A few years ago I was diagnosed with Hyperthyroidism. I was a pretty classic case, with the heart palpitations, and tremors. The one exception to this was that instead of losing tons of weight, I gained. Apparently, since my body was doing all of this overwork, I was eating to compensate. It happens to something like 1 in 1000. Of course I would be the exception. The thyroid lobe on the left side was enlarged to almost 10 centimeters, which is totally abnormal. A normal thyroid is about 2-3 centimeters in diameter.

After my doctor found the abnormal size and that the T-3 and T-4 hormones were overproducing from a blood test, I took 2 radioactive iodine treatments. Let me tell you, no picnic. You you have to sign for the pill that comes in a metal canister and are given it by someone wearing a haz-mat suit. You are sequestered for 3 days so that the radiation does not infect other people. By the way, it makes your urine is a bright orange color, just in case you wanted to know. Since that treatment about 4 years ago, everything has been fine.

Until now. Tomorrow, (actually today), I have to get a biopsy done on my left lobe thyroid. When I got my last check-up my T-3 and T-4 levels came back a bit askew, and when the doctor did a sonogram, she noticed a new growth on the left lobe. She thinks it may be cancerous. Normally, I don't freak out about these things, however when this doctor is concerned about something like this, I do. So, I haven't eaten or had a good nights sleep for the past 3 days. My bowels however have been on a rampage.

Looking at the big picture, I am not really worried, but a part of me in the back of my head is already making out my will and planning what I want my family to dress me in in my casket. Morbid enough for you?

Everything happens for a reason right? I can't help but think that this is the reason why the other company rescinded their offer.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Never Been Arrested for Nothing Domestic

Last night I went to the wake of a dear friend who died so suddenly, she didn't even get the chance to tell everyone she was sick.

What struck me was that the minute that I walked into the funeral home, there was music playing. I am not talking about the standard, soothing elevator music, but honest-to-goodness bumping jams. Now, my friend was famous for her mix tapes, that she would give out as gifts, and let me tell you, they always came at the right time. I can't think of the times that me or one of my girls was stressed out, there was a RV mixtape as the answer. We used to stay out all night dancing at different Latin clubs in the city (That was a long time ago, I'm much nerdier now), and when I started dating Dirty, she was so excited that she could share her love of salsa and merengue music with someone.

As it happens, people grow up and grow apart. She moved to Miami with her husband, and had a gorgeous baby. She recently came back to NYC, presumable when she got sick, and I saw her once when she just got back, but we had lost contact in the last few months, apparently, she did not want anyone to see her sick. When I bought my apartment, she sent me a CD that she wanted me to play at my housewarming party. I never wound up having the party, but I listen to those songs everyday on my IPod.

So in honor of my friend Rachel, here are some of the songs I think you should download and listen to this summer. This is the Hip-Hop list. Try them, have I steered you wrong yet? P.S.: If you are offended by cursing, what are you doing here? :)

Am I Dreaming- Kat DeLuna
Take A Bow- Rihanna
Sunshine- Jay-Z featuring Foxy Brown
Last Night- P. Diddy featuring Keyshia Cole- (Hi Penny)
911- Wyclef and Mary J. Blige
Renee- Lost Boyz
Two Wrongs- Wyclef and Claudette Ortiz
Heartbreaker- Mariah Carey featuring Jay-Z
Uh Oh- Lumidee with Busta Rhymes and Fabolous
Song Cry- Jay-Z with the Roots- MTV Unplugged
U Make Me Wanna- Jadakiss
Low Remix- Flo Rida featuring Pitbull and T-Pain
I Won't Tell- Fat Joe
With You- Chris Brown
Lately- KC and JoJo-MTV Unplugged
Welcome to New York City- Cam'ron featuring Jay-Z
Off The Books- Beatnuts
Get Money- Junior Mafia
Make Me Better- Fabolous featuring Ne-Yo
Dilemma- Nelly with Kelly Rowland

Ghostface Killah Corner

Back Like That- Ghostface Killah featuring Ne-Yo
You Know I'm No Good- Ghostface Killah and Amy Winehouse
All That I Got is You- Ghostface Killah
Cherchez la Ghost- Ghostface Killah

These are the songs I listen to before I go meet with Sidekick. They get me hyped.

Hate Me Now-Nas featuring Puff Daddy
Moment of Clarity- Jay-Z
Party Up- DMX
Damn, It Feels Good to Be A Gangsta- Geto Boyz
Bring the Pain- Method Man

Especially for Rachel:

Feels So Good- Mase featuring Puff Daddy
You're All I Need To Get By- Method Man and Mary J. Blige
One More Chance- Notorious B.I.G.
If I Ruled the World- Nas
I'm A Thug- Trick Daddy


Damn I love my East Coast rap don't I? Let me know what you think of the songs.


Thursday, July 24, 2008

Insert Clever Title Here

At some point this weekend I will be updating my blogroll on the sidebar. I will be adding everyone that I read. If you prefer NOT to be listed, let me know in the comments or by sending me an email at .

BTW, I would do this at work, but got assigned a crazy project that originally was my idea, that apparently the VP caught onto and now wants to implement. Color me surprised that Sidekick didn't take the credit.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Pineapple Mojitos Make This Girl Feel Better

First, I want to thank everyone for their support. Your comments and outrage on my behalf made me feel so much better than I did on Friday afternoon.

I had a long talk with the parents and with Dirty, and decided that this happened for a reason and I just need to be patient and secure in knowing that something will happen for me. Secondly, as much as I hate Sidekick, I don't think that she had anything to do with it. Don't think it didn't cross my mind, but I think she is just a mean, evil person and right now I pity her more than anything else. She is unhappy in her life and does not know how to overcome it. Besides, I found out some scandalous gossip about her that turned my frown upside down. (Thanks Penny). I'll share it one day.

For this weekend, I just wanted to stay home and chill out. I was drained, from the whole job thing and from a fight that I had with Dirty for the 14397645 time about getting engaged. I don't know how to leave well enough alone. In my defense, my younger cousin just got engaged, and I was PMSing. Enough said. I will say that Dirty really is a patient dude to put up with my crap.

He made me pineapple mojitos all day Saturday. Please do yourself a favor and make these, they are sooooo gooood. I posted the recipe below for all of you. Your Welcome.

I started drinking at about 11am. It was too hot to move, so I lounged in bed with the AC, while he brought me snacks and drinks. I played Burnout for 5 hours straight. He made me some steak and mashed potatoes for dinner and we bought the Affliction PPV and taped the UFC one. I fell asleep halfway through, but whatevs, I had a great day.

Sunday, much of the same, although instead of video games and MMA, I watched a marathon of Bridezillas and Platinum Weddings on We. With Dirty. Who was more into it than I was. Scary. Towards the evening, my stomach was getting queasy at the thought of talking to Sidekick about my decision. Got a frantic call from Penny while watching the Deadliest Catch marathon. Talked her down, went to sleep, only to be woken up by Dirty sawing wood. Man he snores so loud. Punched him in the arm and he turned over. Fell asleep again. Weekend Over.

Spoke to Sidekick this morning, it's all good. She kissed my ass a little and told me she was happy that I am not leaving. We'll see.


Pineapple Mojito recipe- this will make about 5 drinks.

1 can crushed pineapple in pineapple juice. I like Dole.
20 or so mint leaves. From my Aerogarden.
3 Limes
Rum- Please use a good aged rum, I like Flor de Cana or Ron Viejo de Caldas. You could use another one, but it won't taste as good. Believe me I've tried. Most of them.

Take a few chunks of the pineapple and some juice into a cocktail shaker. Add 5 mint leaves or more to taste, some sugar, depending on how sweet you want it and ice. Shake the hell out of it to break up the pineapple and mint leaves and dissolve the sugar. Add the juice of 1/4 lime and a few ounces of rum with some pineapple juice. Shake again and strain into a glass with ice. Mmmm, mmmmm, good.

If you don't like this recipe, Google another one. You will not be disappointed.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Worst News Ever

Remember how I was so excited about my new job, and resigned?


Well, the agency that I was moving to rescinded their offer. Today. The day after I got my hire packet in the mail.

I have no words. :(

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Better Late Than Never

So here are my 99 things. Before I started writing it, I didn't think I was going to come up with 99 things, but here they are.


  1. My real name isn't Sloane.
  2. I wish it was.
  3. I got the name from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, one of my favorite movies.
  4. My real name is very ethnic.
  5. I have super fair skin and dark hair.
  6. The kicker? Tons of freckles.
  7. I don't tan in the sun, I freckle.
  8. Although I love them, I wish I was able to get a kick ass tan.
  9. I've lived in NYC my entire life.
  10. I bought an apartment in January 2007.
  11. I moved in in June.
  12. I think it was a big mistake.
  13. My whole family (extended) thinks that Dirty and I live together.
  14. We don't.
  15. I got the apartment before I got the boyfriend.
  16. I live underneath a bunch of crackheads.
  17. I hate it.
  18. I want to sell my apartment and buy a house with Dirty.
  19. One of the main reasons why is so I don't have to deal with people living above me.
  20. Oh, and because I love him.
  21. And I want to marry him.
  22. I am scared that he will never ask me.
  23. I know that if that happens, I should walk away.
  24. That will be one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do.
  25. I'm afraid I'm not that strong.
  26. Sometimes I think my life is too good.
  27. I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.
  28. Sometimes I wish I was more religious.
  29. I admire people who have blind faith in a higher power.
  30. I don't have that much trust.
  31. It makes me sad.
  32. I am doing this list at work.
  33. I have no work to do today.
  34. I am spending my time online.
  35. I've checked out of this job a long time ago.
  36. I just go through the motions everyday.
  37. I don't think anyone can tell.
  38. If they can, they have never said.
  39. I wouldn't care anyway.
  40. I am a little nervous about my new job.
  41. I know that once I get there, I'll fit right in.
  42. It sounds funny, but I relate better to a bunch of thugs than with "professional" people.
  43. I look really young for my age.
  44. I will be 32 in September.
  45. It used to be a barrier.
  46. I always tell my real age.
  47. No one believes me anyway.
  48. It will come in handy as I reach old age.
  49. I rarely get dressed up, only for special occasions.
  50. My general work "uniform" is pants and a button down shirt.
  51. My weekend wear is jeans and t-shirts.
  52. When I do get dressed up, I look completely different.
  53. Everyone wonders why I don't do it more often.
  54. I wonder if I do look that bad?
  55. I love to sleep.
  56. I don't get a lot of it during the week.
  57. I can't seem to catch up on it during the weekends lately.
  58. I love to cook.
  59. I always wanted to be a professional chef.
  60. But I don't think that I could handle the criticism.
  61. I rarely cook anymore.
  62. It is not so fun to cook for one person.
  63. Dirty usually cooks for me when we are together.
  64. Sometimes I feel guilty about it.
  65. My mother thinks I treat him badly.
  66. I just think he is well trained. :)
  67. He cleans my house for me. All. The. Time.
  68. He takes care of me when I am sick.
  69. Which I seem to be all the time lately.
  70. I have IBS.
  71. Which means I am literally full of shit.
  72. My family teases me about that all the time.
  73. It is really funny.
  74. I don't follow the diet I am supposed to.
  75. If I did, I would be extremely thin.
  76. I just can't give up certain foods.
  77. I've tried.
  78. My trainer has helped me lose almost 15 pounds.
  79. I can't tell.
  80. Neither can my friends or family.
  81. I think the scale may be wrong.
  82. I feel like I am destined to be the fat girl.
  83. I don't want to be.
  84. I wear glasses.
  85. Currently I have 4 different pairs that I rotate.
  86. I have a hard time wearing contact lenses.
  87. My eyes are extremely dry.
  88. I only wear them to go out.
  89. I got my first pair when I was 10.
  90. They were really ugly.
  91. I feel like I can hide behind my frames.
  92. They are a barrier between me and the world.
  93. I helped most of my friends pick out their frames.
  94. They are usually something that they would never select for themselves.
  95. It is a gift. I am the Eyeglass Whisperer.
  96. I should have been an optometrist.
  97. It would have saved me A LOT of money.
  98. Here I am at the end.
  99. 17 work days to go!

Whew. Yes it is 17 work days, the counter includes the weekends. I don't!

Monday, July 14, 2008

Blast from the Past

I was reading this post by Stella and it really got me thinking a lot about the kids I may have someday.

I am the middle child. That should say it all. But really, it just scratches the surface. I have an older brother, with whom my parents thought the sun shone out of his ass, and a younger sister, that did and continues to get away with murder.

So back to poor Sloane the middle child. I was very awkward growing up, much smarter than the kids around me, and more mature. My parents (who really are great, despite the complaining in this post), really didn't know how to raise "Americans". They both were born in Italy, my mom coming here when she was 12, and my dad coming here when he was 25. They were and still are a bit old-fashioned and really very strict.

We always had enough. That's it. Enough. There were no extras. According to my parents, they were unnecessary. No dancing school lessons, no sleepovers, rarely a play-date with someone who lived off of my block. And I wanted those things, badly. I wanted cool LEATHER Keds sneakers, with the scrunchie socks. I wanted to wear a spangly costume and take corny pictures in a showgirl pose. I wanted to have a sleepover birthday party. I wanted to have a perm and crispy bangs like every other girl I knew. (what? I grew up in the 80's.) I look back now, and thank my parents, because they knew I would look even more hurt than I already did, what with the telescopic glasses and train-track braces.

That being said, it really wasn't until I went to high school and got a job at the Gap that I was finally able to wear cool clothes and get some kind of style. I realized that glasses can be stylish (yay!), and developed a fetish for them. I began becoming more confident with my intelligence and instead of sitting back and letting other people lead me, I became a leader.

I have always said that I want to instill in my daughter the same confidence that I missed out in my earlier years. I think that boys have it easy, little girls can be bitches. I see my niece, who is all of 7 months old, and want her to have that confidence starting very young. I have already started to amass a wardrobe for her, although my bro and sil are very aware of what she wears. She has 10 pairs of earrings already and I am going broke buying her hair bows and other accessories.

Seriously, it may not seem like a big thing, and something so insignificant, but when you are shunned because you are wearing Velcro sneakers from Fayva (all my NYC'ers know what I'm talking about), and not the latest LA Gears. It hurts. Deep.

Then when you are about to turn 32 you write a blog post about it. Who needs therapy now?

Friday, July 11, 2008

Bombs Away!

Dropped the bomb today at 9:45am. I decided to do it early in the morning so that I could ruin Sidekick's day. I am pleased to say that I succeeded in my quest. Just to show you all how delusional she is the following is a loose transcript of our conversation, my comments are in parentheses.


Me: Sidekick, I need to speak to you for a few minutes.

Sidekick: Ok, I'm listening. (All the while looking at her computer screen)

Me: I am handing in my resignation effective August 8th. (Holding letter)

SK: What????!!! (Whips head away from computer screen)

Me: This is my resignation letter, effective August 8th. (still holding letter)

SK: How could you do this now? This is a bad time.

Me: Isn't it always a bad time when an employee decides to resign? (still holding letter)

SK: Wow, I didn't know you weren't happy here. I thought we got along great and you are a real asset to the team here. What other position could you have possibly gotten that competes with this one?

Me: I was offered a Clinical Director Position. (you guessed it, holding letter)

SK: Do you think you can handle that? That is a really tough position. You know that you are going to have to be a strong supervisor, and work really hard at following up about everything. I know you struggle with following up and completing assignments in a timely fashion.

Me: Well, my new supervisor has confidence in my abilities, so I'll let her worry about that now. (8x11 paper is really starting to get heavy). So here is my official resignation letter effective August 8th.

SK: So I guess I should wish you good luck then? Where are we going to find another CRC in such a short amount of time?

Me: Maybe Tall_Trees_ is still available. (considering she wanted to come back after she left)

SK: Wow, I can't believe it, I'll take your resignation letter now.


And scene. The whole thing took about 15 minutes, and I didn't get her usual raging, but she didn't disappoint. She was a little mellow today, but that didn't stop the petty comments coming through. Now if only I can live out the month. I know it hasn't sunk in yet with her and when it does, I will be in for it, big time.

20 days left.

****Edited to add: I just realized that my last day of work will be on 08/08/08. Pretty cool.****

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Dear Sidekick,

Eat Me.

Hugs and Kisses,



So do you guys think that that would be an appropriate resignation letter?

Unfortunately, if you only come here to read about my work drama, that is going to change. That's right. I have officially been offered another position with another agency a ton more money and I have taken it. I'm trying to come up with the most perfect resignation letter for Sidekick, so that she knows how much I hated her as my supervisor. I will be taking any suggestions. Oh, and I will totally be doing this in person, as I can't wait to see her face when I tell her.

Anyway, about my new job. I will be the clinical director for a substance abuse program. Back to the hood dealing with with all of my peoples again. I need to brush up on my slang. I will be supervising a team of 10 people, and hopefully I can be a good supervisor to them, NOT how Sidekick was to me and Penny.

I am still negotiating a start date, hopefully sometime mid August, and give myself a nice little vacay in between. For right now, I'm just trying to get through the rest of my time here and then I will be FREE!!!!

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and wow, it feels great.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Good News Coming Soon

Stay tuned.... I have some awesome news to share, but want to be 100% sure before I open my big, fat mouth. Pray that everything goes my way!

Saturday, July 05, 2008

Happy 4th

Hope everyone had a great 4th of July. I did.

I spent the entire day moving from bed to couch and back again. So nice just to stay in pajamas and relax. Didn't leave the house for anything. I am such a sloth. Love it.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

A 40 is Looking Really Good Right Now

I should have taken a page from this guy I saw on the train this morning and popped a few cold ones if I would have known what I was walking into today.

Sidekick is on a rampage.

Most of you know my severe dislike for my boss. Basically, she is a hater. Today she is in rare form, starting with a rebuking email from a mistake the SHE made, but of course had to blame someone else for. Whatevs. I am so used to her tirades that it doesn't phase me anymore, but I feel bad for my new Office Mate. I don't think I mentioned her before. She and I get alone very well because unlike Tall Trees, she actually, you know, works. OM is not really used to SK's tirades, so I had to school her. Poor thing was actually thinking that she did something wrong. No worries. One of the things that I like about her is that she gets hip to the game pretty quick.

Back to SK. In our staff meeting today, with 4 other people, she was making snide little comments about me asking for an increase. I think I posted about this before, but I am lazy to find it. I didn't get the raise because the "budget is frozen right now." Um, yeah. So she continued to make comments about how my work is suffering because I'm spoiled and didn't get my increase. So she took it there. So I said, well, apparently since around here the less you do the more you get paid I should be right on schedule. That shut her fat fucking face really fast.

We are meeting in an individual supervision to discuss my excessive absences. Why have I been excessively absent you ask? Because my office is currently at 55 degrees. I have about 60 emails (no exaggeration) that I have sent throughout the winter to her stating that the office was freezing and she never followed up about it. It finally turns out that when the entire staff called in sick one day (hmm, weird, right?), she followed-up and found that the thermostat in our area was broken, so the computer was registering 73 degrees when it was actually in the 50's. Get this, there is no way to fix it short of rewiring the entire floor. Is my cheap ass company going to pay for that? No way. They got us space heaters. In. the. summer. I know that when people see me commuting to work in my heavy pants and shirts, I look crazy, but it is because my body has not regulated a temperature since last January.

Can't wait to see what the rest of the day with her brings me. It is only 1:30pm after all. I have a lifetime to go.

So, a 40 would feel really good right now. At the very least, it will warm me up a little.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Mr. Potato Head

To condense a super long story into a manageable blog post, I have left out many minute details of this story.

To start where I last left off, my friend T was in Puerto Rico with B, (who I have un-affectionately named Potato Head for his uncanny likeness to the children's toy), where she sent me a text message stating that this relationship will not work out. Can't say I didn't warn her. But I digress.

It seems that while in Puerto Rico, T found out that Potato Head is a pathological liar. He lied about pretty much everything; from stupid lies that he doesn't smoke, to more serious lies about his financial situation. She found out there that he filed for bankruptcy TWICE! He is only 32.

Since she has been back, she has continued to see him, even though she found out all about his dishonesty. She still feels that she is going to marry him. I've called her out on his behavior and she told me that I know too much about him and that she cannot keep up the facade to me, and would I not say anything to anyone about what she discovered on vacation. She can't take the heat. I told her that I will not support her during this time with him, but when she finally breaks it off, I will be there for her 100%. She needs some tough love.

So we haven't spoken for a few weeks. She called me on Friday saying that she hadn't gotten her period yet, and that she wanted me to go with her to buy a pregnancy test. It killed me, but I declined. I told her to call Potato Head and have him help her. She told me that she tried to call him, but he was avoiding her calls for some reason. Hmm, I wonder why? Is because he is a total lying liar who lies? Yes, that and a douchebag to boot.

Anyway, I still didn't go with her, even though I was freaking out for her. She called me a few hours later and told me that the tests were negative. The next day she sent me a text message saying that she got her period. Thank God!

Note to Potato Head: You are not that good looking to be pulling this mess, and at 32 years old you should also be ashamed of yourself.

P.S.: In the text message, T told me that she was waiting for him to come over to bring food, and "take care of her". Jigga what? The same dud (yes, it is a typo, but fits perfectly), that refused to take your calls when you were freaking out about maybe, possibly being PREGS is coming to take care of you??!?!?!?!? WTF???

And this people is why I scheduled a therapy appointment for MYSELF tonight.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Wednesday Weirdness

1. Have you ever rode in a stolen car? What would you do if, in the middle of going somewhere, found out that the driver had stolen the car you were riding in?

Um, not that I know of. But if I found out, I would probably stay. I'm so lazy, my ass ain't walking anywhere unnecessarily.

2. What is the most amount of money you've spent in a sex shop or porn store at one time? If you've never been to a porn store or sex shop, why?

In a store about $50. I usually buy off the internet. Again, because I'm lazy.

3. What is the most annoying thing about one of your closest friends?

She talks constantly about herself, leaving no room for anyone to get a word in edgewise. When I bring it to her attention she gets pissy and doesn't speak to me for a while. At least then my ears get some rest.

4. Have you ever taken someone's prescription medication with or without them knowing and used it for recreational purposes?

No, although when I had surgery in 2004, I took vicodin a little longer than I should have.

5. What is at least one thing you are you insecure about?

How long do you have? I would definitely say my weight, I have heavy upper arms and fat thighs. Me and my booty are starting to become friends thanks to Dirty.

6. What are some things that you prefer to do alone?

Shower, read, bathroom business, cooking, and taking care of my feminine business like mani/pedi/hair/wax.

7. How would you react if you found out the anonymous babe who writes all your favorite sexy posts on her blog is really your mother?

I know that she had sex 3 times. That is all I care to know. Brain bleach comes to mind.

Friday, June 13, 2008


Um, I think that Sloane went a little over board on the tomato/mozzarella salad last night, since my whole evening was filled with me having some intestinal distress. So another day off for me today, except this one will be spent on my throne. Awesome. NOT!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

How Did You Get Here?

I wanted to take a page from Stella and ask how everyone found me and started to read about my awesome life and other such nonsense that I post from time to time.

And since everyone needs a pat on the back now and again, here's yours (don't get to used to this):

I really appreciate everyone's feedback to this blog and the support that I feel whenever I post something is really important to me. Thank you for not judging me for the things that I post and sending me virtual kicks in the ass when I need them. You have helped me more than you know.

<3 (Yes, I did type a heart there. Yes, I did it on purpose.)

Friday, June 06, 2008

Message to Kristina

Don't give up like this. Private thoughts are just that. Private. Don't let your S-I-L get the upper hand in this. What you wrote were feelings that are valid and were how you felt at the moments that you wrote them.

Everyone goes through anger, pain and a million other emotions at one time in their lives and expressing those emotions through a diary is an appropriate way of helping you work through things so that you can look at a situation clearly and ultimately get the closure you need.

I hope that you can work through this and know that we are all around to support you whenever you are ready to accept it.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

I Want an Ice Tray, Not a Whole Bag

Another addition to the Dirty saga. I promise that this blog won't turn into the Dirty page, but I need to share this with you all.

Since my last post, I have distanced myself a bit from Dirty and our day-to day struggles. This has made him become more attentive and super aware. Honestly, that was not my intention, but a totally unexpected bonus!

On Sunday, I did a 3 mile walk for a family friend who has Spinal Muscular Atrophy to raise money for an elevator installed in her home. It was a really great day, and we raised almost 85 thousand dollars for her. Tyrone is paying off. I did the walk in 45 minutes, which is a great time for me.

Anyway, back to my Dirty story. I get home and I hear talking in my apartment. I walk in, and find Dirty in the kitchen cooking. I was surprised to see him there to say the least. He told me that he wanted to surprise me with dinner. I went to take a shower and noticed that the bed in my bedroom was made, and that the clothes that were strewn all over the room were gone. Shrugged and went about my bidness. Went into the bathroom and saw that it was immaculate. Down to BLUE toilet water that was definitely not there before. I asked Dirty about it and he told me he cleaned up a little. So I was shocked.

After my shower I to get my blog fix and read PostSecret. I turn on the monitor and what is staring me in the face? THIS:

Now, I start freaking out. Dirty was calling my name, and I minimized the picture and picked up a magazine really fast. He hustled me out of the room with some crap excuse, and stayed behind to shut down the computer. Fool, doesn't he know about the cookies I have saved on the computer? Anyway, of course after he left, I went directly back to the website and examined it more closely. Don't get me wrong, it is a gorgeous ring, but a bit much don't you think? Here is another picture:

Opinions? The logical part of me is to tell him not to spend so much on a ring, so that we can have money to spend on a house, other part is telling me to stop jumping to conclusions. By the way, there was a contact name and information on the sticky pad in front of the computer. Help!